bad situation.. dont know what to do

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I'm sorry men, ladies, moderators.. but i really don't know who to turn too on this. Mod's, if you feel this isn't gun-related enough, feel free to move it..

I know there are a lot of people who are in, or used to be in law enforcement and I was wondering if I could be given some advice.

I'm practically married to my g/f Jane (lets just call her jane), been with her for over 2 and a half years and everything is great. Me and Jane are both 22, finishing up college and plan on getting married and starting a life.

Me and Jane both come from great families. But Jane has a sister that is out of control. She's 16, dates a 21 year old guy that is heavily involved with drugs, constantly tries to meet girls that are 15 y.o. and younger, and is extremely manipulative.
He cons her by saying he's left everything for Janes sister, and loves her to death.
Well, last week Jane's sister just had to get an abortion b/c this guy impregnated her. We've (me and Janes family) asked him to leave b/c he's making matters worse in Janes household but refuses to do so. By law, Jane's sister is at the age of consent so we couldn't get this guy for rape :banghead:
Anyway, I took this personally now because it's involved in my personal life seeing Jane cry all the time, and seeing a corruption in her family because of this.
So I called this guy on his phone and left him a message to back off, cut the crap, and get lost. This guy refuses to do so, he called me threatening if I tried to do anything, he would get me (implying he would shoot me by sending me pictures of his rifles from his cell phone to mine). I CCW, so really I have no problem seeing him face to face and I WILL defend myself If i have too, but I REALLY want to talk to him, because I feel I can get through to this guy and settle it man to man talk, without creating any further conflict.. But he keeps ignoring me, threatening me, and telling me "there ain't sh*t to worry about idiot"..
well there is, Jane's family just paid for the abortion that he couldn't afford to pay.

Also, Janes parents work very hard and they're doing all they can do to moniter the troubled sister, but she will break out of the house at any given moment and any opportunity whatsoever (including in the car at a stop sign). She's convinced that this drugged out loser is the perfect soul mate for her. :banghead:

Is there any ways to approach this and keeping the percentages of drawing my ccw to a minimum?

again, sorry. this is way too long. way too off topic.. and if you move/delete this post, i really understand. thanks.
 
Since you're interested in confronting this person while minimizing the possibility of violence, I'll move this one to Strategies and Tactics.

Sounds like a bad situation to be in.
 
Well, I understand your situation.

First are foremost, the simple fact that you have a CCW tells me that of all people, you need to stay away from this the most, despite your natural urge to help.

Think for a second, if the girl wont accept reasoning from her family that has raised her, your intervention is a lost cause. As much as you want to help, its just not going to be any good for you.

The ONLY way you can talk to this guy face to face is unarmed. Otherwise, it will seem like you had ill intentions to the 12 people in the box. I certainly dont recommend you meeting him at all, armed or not. Its just a no win situation for you to be involved in. I am not sure that anything can be done, but it is worth mentioning to the police that he has sent you those gun pictures just so it can be on record that YOU approached LEO first. Get a report and get the report number because I bet someday, you are going to need it.

I wish I had some sort of better advice, but a confrontation is all this will end up being and an armed confrontation would be bad for anyone involved.
 
do you remember the line"never get involved with someone who has more problems than you."

your GF and her family have to let go, their daughter has abandoned them in all ways but location. only if the 16 yr old wants to change:ie ditch the boyfriend:
can she be helped.

you CANNOT help. you can be destroyed by helping. stay sane, get distance. let your GF cry on you. do NOT think even for a minute you can do more.


sorry to hear about this i have prayed for you.

rms/pa
 
+1 to that above. I understand how you feel, but you talking to him with your CW isn't a good idea. Sounds like her sister needs a :cuss: as much as he does, but you can't shoulder the responsability all yourself. Don't put yourself in a tough situation. It may seem like it now, but in the long run, it's not worth it. Good luck.
 
Good advice from aguyindallas.
Do you recall the requirements to use deadly force from your CCW training? It is not to stop someone with whom your almost "sister in law" is consorting.

She, by ignoring good advice has made her bed, and you are best advised to stay out of it. Let her parents be the intercessors. You will just end up escalating the situation and maybe ending up in prison. You have absolutely NO authority to intervene in the situation unless he attacks someone with deadly force or close to it, in your presence. If you confront him and the situation ends up in you shooting him, it is almost certain you will be guilty of something, and probably go to prison.

Kids who disobey and ignore parents end up badly often. Don't let her rebellion ruin your life.

Jerry
 
You can't just leave. Family is family and you have a responsibilty now. I'd stop trying to get through to the druggie and turn my efforts toward the 16yo sister. See if you can get through to her.

Also, inform the police of the druggie's intentions (firearm photos, threats etc sent to you). Other than keeping him away from your house, avoid all confrontation. Good luck.
 
"your GF and her family have to let go, their daughter has abandoned them in all ways but location. only if the 16 yr old wants to change:ie ditch the boyfriend:can she be helped. you CANNOT help. you can be destroyed by helping. stay sane, get distance. let your GF cry on you. do NOT think even for a minute you can do more. sorry to hear about this i have prayed for you."


+ infinity. You can't help those who are determined not to be helped. I hope the situation ends well for you.:(
 
re:

An old (paraphrased) axiom comes to mind on this situation...

You can't make a horse drink water, but you can sure get wet tryin' to.

Sounds like the girl has made her own bed...If she's of the age of legal consent there...which I can't imagine at only 16 and him at 21...there just ain't a helluva lot you can do except get yourself in over your head.

That thing has the potential to cause you a world of hurt. I vote...Leave it for the immediate family to deal with.
 
you can't help those who don't want to be helped. At best you will help in the temporary, and that is at best. Say you scare this particuler dirtbag you now have A) her ticked off and running off after him B) her rebelling and finding someone even worse C) Her shacking up with another of the same.

Best advice? Don't bother, let her learn for herself, and when she falls be there to help her back up but untill she is willing to recieve that help let her lay there on the floor.
 
Really not much you can or rather should do. The parents need to deal with this. If you chase him off she'll just find another one. If the parents can't get her under control (a little late now) there is nothing you can do for her. You'll just get yourself into trouble.

Check http://www.rr-bb.com/forumdisplay.php?f=13

That is the support area. I think you should have a look it's a nice website and there are alot of good people on there. You might post on there for advice too.

Just remember you need to get through to the girl if anything. Only she can make it stop because she will just continue her pattern of self destructive behavior if you're only treating the symptoms. But again you don't have much hand in this situation.

So its really up to the parents. It may be late for statutory rape but as the parents of a minor they should have some say in who she sees and where she goes. She doesn't need a drivers license. She'll have to ask for a ride anywhere. They should be able to keep that guy away with the police. They should be able to nail him with kidnapping or something if she tries to run away with him. Some of this may vary by state but it is really up to the parents and whether or not they are willing to fix this situation. Some parents just don't have what it takes and it might be better to have the kid locked up for a couple months by the state than running around getting into trouble.

I'm raising my kids in a way that nothing like this should ever be a problem but hey nobody is perfect. I only get to raise them once and I might make some mistakes. I just know that even at age 16 I will still have the authority and power to put a stop to any shenanigans like that.
 
As everyone else has said, stay away from the boyfriend. He is allready hostile towards you and any confrontation has a very high chance of getting you in serious trouble.

If you feel that you have to do something, make sure that you work with the parents.

Some good options are:

1. Talking to the girl, sometimes someone who is not related can get through to a rebelious youth when family can't.
2. Get some outside guidence. Have a mentor, teacher, priest, phsycologist(sp?) come and talk with her. Some one that she has had a good prior relationship with and trusts (like a teacher or older friend) might make some headway.
3. Combine the first two and have an intervention. These can be very difficult on everybody, but unless she has cut everyone off emotionally you should make some impact.

4. (this is the most extreme option) Send her to a camp for troubled teens. If she has completely cut herself off from her family, then this is probably your last chance to get her to turn around. Her parents can legally untill she is 18. My friend's brother was having simmilar problems; doing drugs, vandalism, breaking into cars. His parents finally gave up and had one of these programs come and take him away. He screamed and yelled and it was very hard on his parents, he sent them letters telling them that he hated them for the first 2 months. He was 8 months from turning 18 when they sent him. By the time he turned 18 he decided to finish the program and get his GED. Now you would never guess that he had had any trouble as a teen.

The last option is very expensive, and very hard emotionally, both on the girl and the familly. If nothing else works, you might want to have the parents consider it. Better that then the girl winds up pregnant again, in jail, on drugs, or dead.

I wish you luck, you and your girlfriend's family have hard times ahead.
 
You are giving this boyfriend way too much credit if you think you can talk him into anything "man to man". He sounds like an animal.

Document everything you can, it's your only legal hope to maybe get this guy locked away. However, this girl seems like she will replace him with another similar dirtbag.
 
take my opinion with a grain of salt, but i believe that the only way for her to learn is the hard way. it's going to suck for her, but she got herself into it and is blindly running around with scissors.

~tmm
 
What everybody else said.

You should not be talking to this guy. You should be talking to your GF and her family. This is a lot like trying to save a drowning man. Any lifeguard will tell you that sometimes they can latch on to you and drown you both. When that happens, they are trained to break that grip, because a dead lifeguard can't save anyone. This girl is going under. She is dragging her family and you with her. You have to cut and run to save yourself and your GF. I have had to do this several times in my life. It is hard as hell, and the first time is the hardest, but it must be done.If you do let her go, then there is a possibility that she will come to her senses later and then you will be in the position to give her a hand and help her rebuild her life. If you do not disengage from her and keep trying to pull her out you will all go under.

I hope this is coherent enough. I wish you luck, you will need it.
 
TMM, I completely agree that people should find their own way and learn from their mistakes.

However, keep in mind that mankind has been "learning the hard" for a long time and life expectancies use to be a lot shorter and death rates were a lot higher.

Could this girl get burned by this guy and learn from her mistakes and come home? Yes, but she could also get an STD, be living on the street, or OD on heroin before she learns that lesson. I think her family should do everything it can to prevent it before leaving her to that chance.
 
Mind your own buisness

forget talking to the little sister -you wont get through

forget talking to the boyfriend,it will only turn out bad and its not your place to tell him how to handle his women if she choses to be with him

i have sisters,and i would only get involved if they were being stalked by thier ex boyfriend after telling them to get loss
 
yeah I've been hanging around there for years

I post there under Alternate

+1 about speaking to the police about the pictures, that will more than likely result in the police giving him a very serious talking to in the least. That probably qualifies him for assault charges or making terroristic threats.
 
A friend recently got screwed by an employer.
He called the guy and said some unflattering things but made no threats (according to my friend)
The unflattered ex-boss got a restraining order for threats of violence.
The police were at his house to pick up his guns within a couple of hours of the hearing.
Just something to think about.

Also put the girl in a boot camp
 
You won't convince the silly girl of anything. You won't convince the jerk of anything. The way I see it, you have three options:
1) Leave it alone completely, stay away from them all.
2) Let the police know that he uses and distributes drugs, and he makes threats involving firearms (a nice search warrant, and moron goes for a vacation).
3) Be conspicuous somewhere else, while some of your friends pick him up. Then, remember the three S's.

1 is not going to help anybody but it will keep you clean. 2 is the only remotely legal plan of action if you want to do anything. 3 is highly illegal, and therefore, NOT recommended. Trying to talk people out of a self-destructive lifestyle is wasting time and energy. It's a no win situation for all concerned.

I still think "the SOB had it comin'" should be a valid legal defense.
 
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