Domestic abuse victim wants handgun BUT...

[whatever]

I have a member of my extended family who is going through some awful divorce/ domestic violence stuff that I won't get into. Suffice it to say she is doing everything she can to take care of the legal situation she is in.

That being said she wants a handgun for home defense for herself and two small kids....but she does not want to practice with it. I don't understand or agree with the mentality, but she deserves some level of protection.

I am willing to give her any of my handguns for her to use as longas necessary, but which would be best? My first thought was a revolver for its point-and-shoot simple operation. Do I go with the hammerless snubby for simplicity (although difficult to use effectively) or the full size revolver with exposed hammer for ease of use and reduced recoil? Regardless of what she ends up with I will show her the operation of the firearm, but she is adamant that she does not want to shoot it unless she is forced to.

In this (admittedly awful) situation, which handgun would you suggest?

 

[bainter1212]

If she won't shoot it to practice, how in the heck will she do so should it become necessary?

 

[Iggy]

As much as you would like to help, that is one great big can of worms you are about to jump into.

If she is not willing to become familiar with the gun, she probably isn't willing to properly store it,and with two small kids involved, that could become a sticky wicket real quick.

Heap bad medicine!!

 

[Sam1911]

A full size revolver isn't a bad choice in that case. Really a terrible situation, though. She's got small kids so she can't leave it out where it might be easy to get to. She won't practice so hitting anything will be largely a matter of luck. She can't carry it so it isn't likely to be with her when she will need it... So much wrong there.

But, just maybe, if she can get to it in time, a big shiny wheelgun will probably make an impression on the bad guy...even if just a visual deterrent.

 

[Bullnettles]

I'd suggest a non-lethal form of defense if she's not willing to practice. One way to convey the seriousness of practice is explaining to her she could inadvertently kill her own child by not learning the proper handling and using of a firearm. If she wants to protect them, she has to be prepared to do so in a safe way.

 

[BullSlinger]

What a mess. Instead of a hand gun take the advise of the Vice Pres. Get her a shotgun, perhaps one with the pistol grip and no stock. Dont need a lot of practice to hit with a # 5 or smaller load.

 

[Vodoun da Vinci]

I'm sorry for her situation but a gun she can't use may end up in the hands of the abuser she is frightened of to be used against her. Some non lethal form of protection like pepper spray will likely be a better alternative.

Guns in a house with kids and no training for the gun owner is just a recipe for something terrible to happen.

VooDoo

 

[bangswitch]

Family or not, I'd stay as far away from this situation as you can get.

If she refuses to practice with whatever firearm she was given/bought/whatever, then she cannot expect to safely or properly use it, and the fact she has young kids in the house would discourage me from giving her anything she's not familiar with and competent to use AND SAFELY STORE. If you give her something of yours for the express purpose of "self protection" and she ends up shooting somebody, you open yourself up to a huge share of her liability if it turns out being an unjustified shooting. Any prosecuting attorney could say you knew of her abuse situation and therefore could, or should, suspect she would shoot whomever was abusing her, making you an accessory since you provided the means.

Having a gun for the purpose of scaring the abuser might end up getting her shot with the very gun she hoped to stave off the abuser. If she feels threatened enough to want a gun for protection, she should investigate other legal means such as a restraining order.

I can see nothing positive in the scenario you describe.

 

[Midwest]

Pepper spray or a stun gun. Other alternative is to have relative who is armed to stay there.
.

 

[sdlsaginaw]

No, she does NOT deserve some level of protection that could easily involve her shooting one of her kids, or the neighbor next door, or the poor magazine salesman behind the closed door that spooked her.

The moment you need a firearm is not the moment you should be learning how to handle one.

If she DOES have an accident with your firearm, how are you going to feel knowing it could have been prevented had you insisted on just a little range time first?

If she WON'T agree to a little range time buy her a Taser instead.

 

[vamo]

I'm not sure that she would need to practice like we practice. But I think 1 trip to the range just to show her basic operation would be in order. I don't think its absolutely necessary for her to train like we do, but if she has to use it then it shouldn't be the first time she's shot it.

I'd go full size revolver for the simplicity, maybe even .22lr, I have to imagine she would be recoil sensitive and hopefully just the threat of the gun would be enough if she gets into a situation.

 

[jmorris]

I'd suggest a non-lethal form of defense if she's not willing to practice. One way to convey the seriousness of practice is explaining to her she could inadvertently kill her own child by not learning the proper handling and using of a firearm. If she wants to protect them, she has to be prepared to do so in a safe way.

This ^.

I have ran across a number of people in my life that think they don't need to know how to use a gun because just brandishing it will solve the problem. This is they type of person you read about being shot with a firearm they brought into the situation.

I am of the school of thought that the first time someone should know you have a gun is after you have shot them with it. No reason to show your hand so to speak or you might loose an advantage or at the very least you can escalate the situation. Works good on TV though.

 

[Telekinesis]

Instead of a hand gun take the advise of the Vice Pres. Get her a shotgun, perhaps one with the pistol grip and no stock. Dont need a lot of practice to hit with a # 5 or smaller load.

That's pretty poor advice. Unless you're doing contact shooting/door breaching, a PGO shotgun is a very difficult weapon to use, ESPECIALLY if she refuses to practice and become competent with it. Use buckshot (even reduced recoil of needed) but don't use bird shot.

OP, I hate to say it, but I wouldn't give her a gun. I've had friends who have gone through similar situations and my rule was that if they didn't think it was worth the time to show up and let me teach them how to shoot, I won't give them a gun. She doesn't have to be a master shot, but she should get a crash course in basic gun handling/marksmanship and especially mindset. Knowing how to hold a gun does nothing if she's not mentally prepared to defend herself and her kids.

 

[KarenTOC]

I agree with jmorris. She probably thinks that brandishing the gun will be sufficient to scare off her ex. She probably won't even load it.

 

[hso]

http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=564531

She has to be able to point the thing naturally or she won't make hits considering she will not practice to be able to use it more effectively. That means you have to let her try pointing everything available before she'll know what points to point of aim (kinda backwards to shoot to point of aim).

ALSO, unless a more tragic situation could result she has to be able to secure the gun against the chance her kids might get it and harm themselves or her. That makes it less effective in a crisis leaning towards a semi that a magazine is kept on her person at all times if she won't carry the gun.

she is adamant that she does not want to shoot it unless she is forced to.

Then she shouldn't have it and instead should carry something like the Fox OC spray.

 

[BSA1]

Is she willing to take a handgun safety class? NRA Women on Target would be a good choice.

 

[Larry Ashcraft]

Dont need a lot of practice to hit with a # 5 or smaller load.

The pattern of a shotgun at "across the room" range, will be the size of a baseball, no matter what the shot size is. It would be harder to hit with the shotgun than a revolver. It's a myth that you can make hits with a shotgun by firing it in the general direction of the target. Also, a PGO shotgun is not for a novice.

I agree with the mace or pepper spray.

 

[bainter1212]

Dont do it. Instead, get her a Mace "gun", from Amazon, for $35, unless and until she at least puts in a lot of hours with airsoft, learns the law, tactics, securing the gun, ccw around the home, etc. Otherwise, a tragedy awaits.

This is a good suggestion.

Kimber makes a "Pepper Blaster" that sells on Amazon for cheap. It looks and shoots like a gun, and you can shoot it several times. There are even a bunch of holsters you can get for it.

 

[Hunterdad]

I wouldn't even consider giving her a gun. If she's not willing to take her and her children's safety seriously, neither should you.

 

[JRH6856]

she is adamant that she does not want to shoot it unless she is forced to.

Then "force" her to by requiring she choose between demonstrating adequate proficiency with a firearm, or finding a different means of defense.

 

[Zach S]

I wouldn't do it if I were you. The fact she doesnt want any instruction means she will likely panic and lock up, which wont be pretty, or panic and fire wildy, which probably wont be pretty.

But, just maybe, if she can get to it in time, a big shiny wheelgun will probably make an impression on the bad guy...even if just a visual deterrent.

I'd be willing to bet thats why she wants a handgun. From my time on the other side of the counter, I'm amazed at how many folks think just having a gun levels the playing field.

Oddly enough, I have encountered a few (suspected) DV victims that really wanted to know what we thought about whatever gun, and how to use the gun they decided on buying. The one that stands out was the lady that purchased the P225 that I decided was going home with me at the end of the day. But after some basic instruction, she was drilling the target.

 

[19-3Ben]

What a mess. Instead of a hand gun take the advise of the Vice Pres. Get her a shotgun, perhaps one with the pistol grip and no stock. Dont need a lot of practice to hit with a # 5 or smaller load.

Noooooooo.... Shotgun + pistol grip is challenging even for experienced shooters. The ergonomics are all out of whack and then there's the tremendous recoil.
At in house distances you're not going to get that much spread with shot. If shot spreads at 1" per yard, even across 15 foot room, you're still only talking about a 5" pattern. you still need to aim.

For someone who has no experience and does not want to practice, the blast, recoil, and difficult handling would make this a terrible weapon for her.

 

[dprice3844444]

have her take a safety course and buy her own gun.giving her one of yours will open up a huge can of worms should an accident/shooting happen . you could wind up living in the poor house

 

[TomJ]

Police officers go through extensive training and fire hundreds, if not thousands of rounds in preparation of having to use their gun. If you ask any of them who have had to draw their gun in a real life situation, they'll tell you it's about as stressful of a situation as you'll ever find yourself. Its their training that gets them through it. To give a gun to a woman who has never fired one and has no intention to learn how to do so and expect her to function under a life and death situation is a really bad idea.

I understand that she needs to protect herself, and feel bad that she's in this situation, but she can't make a bad situation worse. She either needs to be trained on how to se the gun or use some of the non-lethal suggestions others made.

 

[Sam1911]

To give a gun to a woman who has never fired one and has no intention to learn how to do so and expect her to function under a life and death situation is a really bad idea.

This is an awful situation, and I'd normally never be one to say that a gun is a talisman, or a gun can be "relied on" by someone who won't train.


However... the undeniable fact is that relatively untrained people (little old grannies, kids, spouses of gun owners...lots of folks) DO use guns to defend themselves thousands of times every year.

So, I agree this is a very bad situation. (The potential risk to her kids has be quite worried.) BUT, I would NEVER be the guy who denied her access to a firearm, or even refused to lend her one in a moment of need, just because I didn't think her skills were up to snuff.

I'd beg, I'd plead, I'd cajole, I'd wheedle, I'd implore to get her out to the range. But in the end, I'd rather she had that gun when the door gets kicked in than that she didn't.

Deterrents sometimes work. Shots fired or no, that's a serious REAL factor, though not something we would ever count on.

At very close ranges, shots often go where they'll do good work. If she can make the trigger go, it may be harder to MISS the guy than to hit him, when he's at 3 feet and closing fast.

Being a stickler for safety and instruction is just fabulous. I'd cover every other option I could think of, and I'd try to give her the best advice and instruction I could.

But I couldn't stand myself sitting at home saying, "she's better off because I refused to give her a gun...she could be HURT!"