There are guns to pick and techniques to use that can make it less difficult for her.
A good resource, written by a woman for women is the Cornered Cat:
http://www.corneredcat.com/
The thing about an auto for self defense is that she can "adminstratively" load it.
Under no stress she can load the magazine, load it into the gun, get a good grip and stance (see Cornered Cat for instruction), grit her teeth, and get a round chambered. The gun is then ready to go with no further manipulation (unless it has a manual safety like a 1911, unlike a Glock.)
A lady of my acquaintance really has to work hard to rack the slide on her target auto but she only does it once per range trip. After she gets it going the first time it is either being shot or is empty with the slide locked back, requiring only that a loaded magazine be inserted and the slide stop lever depressed to resume fire.
We are not trying to make SEALettes out of these women, if they can't handle a self defense problem in a magazine full, it is probably not fixable with a pistol at all.
Recreational shooting can also be managed. I am at present working with a couple, bringing them into IDPA. He has no trouble with operating the gun, she is having to develop some technique. But she is an accurate shot, probably better than him. Now all I have to do is get her to where operating and shooting the gun is reflexive so she can concentrate on the course of fire and develop some speed.