How does one start carrying a gun and not succumb to fear?

[AKMtnRunner]

For some background, I've grown up in relatively safe societal areas and never experienced a situation where I wish I had a defensive firearm. I also run a lot in the Chugach State Park in Alaska where I've come into 20 or so yards of bears, and never felt like they were threatening. Perhaps I've been extremely lucky and/or I unconsciously practice good avoidance techniques.

However, I cannot ignore the real danger that does exist out there. It only takes one bad day to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course, everyone here understands that. And now that I am out of my invincible 20's, married, and probably will start a family soon, I can't help but seriously prepare myself to defend against the rare possibilities.

Carrying goes against the culture I've grown up in. My parents were adverse to handguns and wouldn't let my brother and I have toy guns as kids. My friends have and still aren't the kind of people that would even consider carrying and I'd wager they would think I'm crazy and dangerous if they knew I have started.

So, I'm having a hard time carrying and not living in fear. Having the firearm on me is such a change, that I can't seem to get over the reasons for having it. Instead of believing in the goodness of people, the beauty of the wilderness, and going about my goals for each day, it feels like my state of mind is weighed down and altered into a fearful one, which I can't reason is statistically unnecessary. Really, if I'm going to go out of my way to carry a gun, why don't I wear a helmet too while driving or go to the gym to run on a safe treadmill.

Anyone here go through the same and have ideas to enjoy life the fullest while also preparing for the worst?

 

[aarondhgraham]

Like the ancient dude said:

"This too shall pass."

Give yourself some time to acclimate to carrying a weapon,,,
And by "some time" I mean several months.

Eventually the feeling of "living in fear" will be replaced by situational awareness,,,
Or at least we hope that situational awareness will prevail.

Have patience Grasshopper,,,
Oh wait! This is the 21st century.

Have patience my young Padawan.

Aarond

.

 

[bgw45]

The probability of needing to use our weapon is miniscule . I can live with that. The failure to protect my neighbors or family is unacceptable. I hope that most of those carrying are just being prepared for the unthinkable. Some of us realize that our ultimate protection comes from above. For some of us it's duty. I think of the concept of self defence as a concermn, not fear.

 

[Zaydok Allen]

Hmmm. Intersting notion in this thread.

Keep a few things in mind. A gun will not automatically save your life simply by you having it on you. Nor will it increase your risk of being assalted. It's no different than carrying a wallet. You just take it with you when you are out and about, or you may choose to carry at home too. It doesn't obligate you to be a hero, so there is no way it could increase your risk.

Statistics are relevant to safety, but they can also be manipulated to say what you want. As pointed out by bgw45, the chances of needing a gun are very small...... until the need arises. Given a long enough life span, the shear probability of a bad encounter goes up. We don't carry because we think something will happen. If that were the case, we'd avoid the danger all together. We carry because we think something could happen, which of course it could. So in the end, you are ultimately better suited to deal with an armed attacker or dangerous animal if you are armed with something rather than nothing. What that something is must be decided by you.

If you are obeying the law, it's no ones business what you carry on your person. If your family doesn't like it, that's their prerogative. Which is more important to you, your and your family's safety, or the opinion people have of you. In my experience, the best way to turn an antigunner is to remain yourself, be reasonable, and an upstanding person, and if it comes out that you carry, explain to them in a calm and logical way why you choose to carry. Respect their opinion if they disagree. Respect the rules of their home.

Assuming people are inherently good is a good thing. That doesn't mean they are though. Carrying a gun does not make people worse. It doesn't make you bad either for acknowledging that bad people are out there. Give yourself a break. You acknowledge a possible threat. That's ok.

The same can be said of animals. Most of the time they just want to be left alone. Sometimes, they haven't had a meal in a while and don't care that you aren't the regular flavor of protein. Sometimes you surprise them and they react.

Give yourself time. You aren't doing anything wrong. After a little while, it feels natural.

 

[GBExpat]

... Anyone here go through the same and have ideas to enjoy life the fullest while also preparing for the worst?

My Dad taught me to shoot when I was ~7 years old and there were multiple firearms in my house as I grew up, so when I got my first carry permit when I was 23 I experienced none of the issues that you have described.

I did, however, take time over the first few months (especially) to seriously think thru my new responsibilities and consider how best to respond to different situations.

 

[Cannibul]

I'd like to help but your situation is so far out of my wheelhouse I can't even comprehend it.

How does simply carrying a gun cause you to fear everything? Do you still have this fear if you don't carry the gun?

 

[RUT]

Sorry, but I have to agree with Cannibul.

 

[Arkansas Paul]

I don't know why this would cause such fear either.
Keep in mind I've been shooting a gun since I was old enough to keep both ends of my single shot .410 off the ground.

Think of it as anything else.
When you purchased insurance for your car did you all of a sudden become fearful that you would be involved in an auto accident?
When you put a fire extinguisher under your sink did you suddenly become terrified that your kitchen would catch fire?

We have these things just in case. We hope to never use them, and likely won't. But if we ever are in a situation where we do and don't have it, we may not get another chance.

I am more scared when I don't have it.

 

[aarondhgraham]

How does simply carrying a gun cause you to fear everything? Do you still have this fear if you don't carry the gun?

I believe that AKMtnRunner is simply experiencing the anxiety of being a newbie to carrying a weapon,,,
When I first started carrying I felt like I had a neon sign on my forehead that screamed GUN!

I also looked at every situation differently,,,
It wasn't that I wanted something to happen,,,
It was more like a feeling of heightened responsibility.

It's difficult to put into words but I think it's very common for this to happen,,,
I felt it and several of my friends have described the same thing.

But like I said earlier,,,
It will eventually fade into the background of your mind.

Aarond

.

 

[Vern Humphrey]

Your problem is you are being intimidated by anal retentive (also known as "politically correct") people.

If I drive a Ford and someone else drives a Chevy, why should I be intimidated by their opinions? What business is it of theirs what I drive, carry, eat or watch on TV?

 

[Sam1911]

I'm sure you realize that this phenomenon isn't a matter of your rational brain telling you about reasonable dangers, but each of us experiences little overreactions and disconnects from strict reality at times. Any time something truly shakes us up and out of our comfort zone we can find our imaginations fixating on whatever possibility or function kicked us into that heightened state of awareness. And as we age and our responsibilities change me do often find that worries we never even really comprehended as young people develop until they absorb a big part of our "worry box." Sometimes they take up too big a chunk of it and we have to learn to see them in their proper, proportional, rational light.

If you can go out to run a day's errands without your gun, do you feel comfortable and secure? Does this new level of worry hound you? Or is it only the presence of the gun with you that pushes it forward in your mind? If the gun's presence is driving this, relax, continue to carry, and you'll find that your mind eases into the new normal pretty quickly.

If you've been shocked hard by the conviction of danger that the gun has brought into your consciousness, and you now worry all the time about being attacked (armed or not), that might be something to keep an eye on. Awareness is very positive. Paranoia isn't, and if the symptom continues for more than a month or two you may want to reach out and find some counsel. I don't necessarily mean professional help, but simply the counsel of peers who share your interests and probably some of your new found defensive mindset.

Unfortunately it sounds like you really don't have much of a shooting buddy community yet. While this isn't a quick thing, getting involved in your local shooting club(s), perhaps through shooting competitions and work days, can give you a pool of acquaintances who wouldn't think twice about your interest in shooting or carrying a sidearm. If some happen to become friends, that can really ease the feeling of alien-ness and misfit that you're going through. It's one thing to be a loner, and that's a hard enough row to hoe, but if you're constantly feeling like everyone you know and who's opinion you care about would dislike or mistrust and disparage you for your interests, hobbies, and life choices, that can exacerbate little bumps in the emotional road and grow them into mountains of self-doubt and fear. We're social beings and these things can matter a great deal. Some thoughtful, intelligent, insightful shooting pals could really help you gain the perspective you're struggling to find.

 

[CopperFouling]

Some of us realize that our ultimate protection comes from above.

Dang, I had no idea people were packing concealed drones these days.

OP, I think aarondhgraham is right: you might feel uncomfortable as you start. Over time, that discomfort lessens. Try dressing around the firearm and wearing a high-quality belt designed for firearms if you're concerned about people noticing you carrying one (I realize that's not the only thing that might be worrying you, but I found that helped me).

 

[Varminterror]

A few thoughts:

1) I forget who said it and how exactly it was worded - but a famous handgunner once stated that no-one should EVER be truly comfortable carrying a firearm. It's a dangerous weapon, it must always be treated as such. Being afraid is not the same as being aware of danger/risk. It's like feeding lions - you can become proficient and confident in doing so, but complacency will get you killed, as the risk is real, and always there. You should never be 100% comfortable carrying your firearm.

2) When you consider your environmental awareness, poise it in your mind as "am I aware of what and who is around me?" Do NOT think of it as, "are there any threats around me?" If you spend your time looking for threats, you're putting a lot of undue stress on your mind. If you simply hold yourself to the standard of being aware of what and who are around you, you don't put yourself in a negative environment - you're just environmentally aware. (And you'll often be surprised by how many comical instances you'll notice in your day, or surprised by how many attractive women you weren't noticing around you in the past). You should never be unaware.

3) Training and practice (not the same thing) are key to developing confidence, comfort, and automaticity with your firearm and carry method. Many folks doubt themselves in carrying because they lack confidence in their ability to deploy and utilize their firearm should the need arise - in other words, folks get performance anxiety. Operating the firearm and delivering accurate fire are only aspects of effectively deploying your firearm in a defense situation - but there's a lot more to it. If you're not confident in your holster's ability to secure the firearm to your person, you'll always have additional anxiety. If you're not confident in your ability to quickly and efficiently access and draw the weapon, you'll have additional anxiety. If you're not confident in sight acquisition upon your draw, or not confident in trigger control under stressful conditions, etc etc etc... Seek out training to establish your skills, and pursue regular practice to develop and maintain them. Develop automaticity for clearing your clothing, as well as for your draw stroke and sight acquisition, as well as your trigger finger clearance and trigger control. You should always be proficient in applying your firearm if you're carrying one.

4) Know the laws. Many folks have anxiety because of the unknown lurking on the other side of a defensive shooting. Will I go to jail? Will I lose my job? Will I get sued? Concealed Carrier insurance is available to help protect against lawsuits. Read a bit on what will happen after an incident, or better still, talk to a local LEO about what might happen - they're just people, start a conversation by admitting you're nervous, and want to know what THEY WOULD DO when they get defensive shooting calls. Keep a copy of your states statutes on hand, and read them regularly. Keep track annually (or more often) for updates to the law. I keep a book of flip cards for the states in which I travel - before I travel, I review the booklet to refresh on their specific laws for how to carry, how NOT to carry, where to and not, requirements for notification for LEO's during traffic stops, etc. The more familiar you are with the laws and the processes, the more comfortable you'll be. You should always be familiar with the laws governing your right to defend yourself.

5) Never feel ashamed of your efforts to protect yourself. It's not shameful to make efforts to protect yourself - your friends and family most likely lock their doors in their house and their car to prevent theft, they most likely wear their seatbelts to protect them in the event of a car accident (maybe even factor safety rating into their car buying choices) - and most likely make many other efforts to protect themselves in other situations - it's not shameful to protect yourself. Around 60yrs ago when seatbelts became standard equipment, there were people who shamed others for wearing their seatbelts, but by today's standards, those folks would be ridiculed as fools. Many people have never been in a car accident, but they still wear their seatbelt every time they enter a vehicle - it's good practice to protect yourself. Office buildings often have CPR & First Aid trained personnel on hand, almost always have First Aid Kits and even AED's, and always have fire extinguishers (and often automated sprinkler systems), even though they've never had an injurious event, heart attack, or office fire. Most folks keep homeowners insurance, home alarm systems, smoke alarms, perimeter security lights, even though they've never had a fire, flood, burglary, etc. You should never be ashamed of your desire to protect yourself.

6) (While it is NOT shameful to carry) Avoid unnecessarily broadcasting your choice to carry. Whether it elicits ridicule from or insights concern from others, or even if they simply don't care at all, it's easy to avoid creating an issue where one need not exist simply by keeping your choice to carry to yourself. You don't tell your co-worker the color of your underwear each morning - or whether you've chosen to NOT wear underwear - why not? Because they don't need to know. You don't broadcast your credit score, or your sexual history, or reveal the existence of that weird mole on your butt cheek which looks like Ronald Reagan to everyone you meet - why would you broadcast your choice to carry? You might work for years with someone only to find out they're covered in tattoos under their clothing. Many of my co-workers and I carry daily, but some of us have worked together for years before it ever came out. You carry it concealed for a reason. You should avoid revealing your choice to carry.

I'm sure I could keep rambling, but hopefully some part of that helps you in some way.

 

[1stmarine]

Think of it as a tool. In the perfect ideal world we would not have to carry this but then we know it can save our lives or others.
If you go in the thick woods you might thin the same way about a rugged decent knife or an ax. A pita to carry everywhere. These
things are not supposed to be confortable but comforting.

 

[Milt1]

Aarondhgraham is correct is that most, if not all, of us feel like everyone is looking at us when we start to carry concealed and it takes little bit of time to get over that. The day will come when you think, "Gees I'm carrying and I didn't realize it". Bgw45 and 460 Shooter are all correct that most of us will never have a need for our CC weapon, however, you live in a state (Alaska) that enhances those odds considerably. If I was running in your state, I'd probably be carrying a rifle.

 

[Big7]

I don't carry because I want to impose my will on others.

I carry because I will not allow others to impose their will on me.

 

[Good Ol' Boy]

I've only been carrying for a few months but I'll offer my opinion...

There has been some good advice so far but Sam's post really speaks to the heart of the matter IMHO. I'd say give it a month or two, in the meantime trying to find a group of "gun buds" that you can talk to and ask questions. If after all that you still feel the same way you might want to rethink your strategy.

Learn to dress around the gun. When I first started carrying my main worry was printing and whether other people would notice I was carrying. This quickly faded as I put more and more thought into how to best conceal which gun I was carrying by dressing appropriately.

I never had the level of anxiety you seem to be dealing with but I did gain a heightened state of awareness. Not overly, or paranoid, but I started working on general situation awareness much more.

I agree with whoever said that none of us should ever feel 100% comfortable carrying a firearm. Folks that mention how their gun is so comfortable and they're so used to carrying that they forget it's there are not advocating good practice IMHO. You should always be aware that you have a sidearm on your person and be aware of which one in particular it is if you have more than one with different operations.


I will probably be the only one you'll hear say this but, IMHO carrying a gun every day is not for everyone. If after the aforementioned time and effort you still feel the same way, it may not be for you. Not trying to discourage you, just putting it out there.


GL and feel free to ask any other questions. There's a great group of folks here.

 

[macgrumpy]

Personally, if you feel that uncomfortable with a firearm then I think you'd be better off not carrying it, for that matter, maybe you ought to just get rid of your gun. I'm not trying to be rude or antagonistic, I just believe that if you don't feel comfortable and self confident while carrying a concealed weapon then you shouldn't do it. If you feel this guilty about simply carrying a gun what will happen if you ever have to use it? Will you be able to pull the trigger? Will you have burdensome guilt for the rest of your life?

I'm a firearms enthusiast and started shooting when I was 9 years old and yet I never forced any of my three kids to ever fire any of my firearms, one of them never fired a shot until he moved out on his own. It's just not safe to force anybody to use a deadly weapon if they don't feel comfortable doing so.

 

[bikerdoc]

Welcome to the tribe. You will get the hang of it and the mindset that makes it possible.

 

[Varminterror]

When I first started carrying I felt like I had a neon sign on my forehead that screamed GUN!

most, if not all, of us feel like everyone is looking at us when we start to carry concealed and it takes little bit of time to get over that.

I grew up carrying openly, so the transition to concealed was actually relieving. You really want to draw all eyes onto yourself? Hang a 7.5" 44mag Super Blackhawk on your hip and walk around the mall. When we finally passed concealed carry in Kansas, I finally felt like all eyes were NOT on me, for once.

 

[guyfromohio]

Quite the opposite. I'm nicer, more tolerant, and generally more congenial.

 

[JohnBiltz]

For me a gun does not make me more aggressive. Quite the opposite, I can no longer allow myself to get into situations where I might get into a fight because now I'm armed. When I was a young man I got into a lot of fights. That tapered off as I got older and smarter and now I'm old. But when I started carrying it really changed. I was in the Army most of my adult life so I never felt the way you are feeling and I don't really get it. But I do think time will ease it but you should never get to the point where you forget you are carrying. Carrying is a responsibility you should never forget.

 

[Vern Humphrey]

Quite the opposite. I'm nicer, more tolerant, and generally more congenial.

For me a gun does not make me more aggressive. Quite the opposite, I can no longer allow myself to get into situations where I might get into a fight because now I'm armed. When I was a young man I got into a lot of fights. That tapered off as I got older and smarter and now I'm old. But when I started carrying it really changed. I was in the Army most of my adult life so I never felt the way you are feeling and I don't really get it. But I do think time will ease it but you should never get to the point where you forget you are carrying. Carrying is a responsibility you should never forget.

Those are common reactions -- carrying tends to make a person more aware of the need to be calm and non-confrontational.

 

[edwardware]

OP: Great question. I think you do well to consider it thoughtfully.

So, why do you carry a gun?

. . . I can't help but seriously prepare myself to defend against the rare possibilities.

Sounds good!

I don't carry a gun because of the gun; I carry the gun to LIVE! Because I want to live, I do all sorts of things: driving carefully, locking doors, carrying a cell phone, looking twice crossing the street. . . and carrying a gun.

The difference, as you've discovered, is that unlike most considered responses, a gun is a tool of violence; carrying a gun means you're preparing yourself to take a life. Think about that, and come to peace with the idea that there are some people who wouldn't mind killing you, and that you are willing to kill them instead of dying if they make it necessary. It's an ugly truth, but it's true (at least the first part is).

Once you've made peace with the above, realize that it's incredibly unlikely that you'll ever need to do that. We don't carry because of the odds, we carry because of the consequences. Don't be afraid, but be aware of the real risks around you (and criminal violence is a very small risk).

With these two ideas, the rest is technique and practice.

 

[Taurus 617 CCW]

When it comes to self defense I view a gun as a tool, just like the other tools I carry. Some of those include a pocket knife, personal flashlight, and multi tool. It is one more option to me. When I first started carrying I too felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb but that feeling faded over time. I came to realize that as long as I did my job with concealment, nobody was any wiser. Perhaps the OP is also concerned of judgment by those around him? My dad is from a European country and has never seen the need to have a gun for protection. When I first started carrying he would ask me why I feel I need to carry a gun. I would explain to him that I felt that times were different than they were in his generation and it was a necessary thing. He has become used to me carrying over the years and has come to accept it.