Hunting Jokes

[Thomasss]

1) You see ducks flying in a "V" formation, why is a side always longer than the other?
MORE DUCKS on that side.
2) What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $3.49 and deer nuts are under a buck.
3) A poor desperate man was caught shooting a spotted white owl by a warden. Warden says don't you know those are protected? Man says ya, but the wife is sick, I'm out of work and the kids are hungry. Warden say alright I'll give u a pass this time, but you have to promise me you will not ever shoot any again. Guy says ok. As the Warden starts to leave, he say by the way what do they taste like? The guy says just like bald eagle!
4) First time my youngest son goes hunting, I dropped some chocolate raisons on the snow. And I say look at those. I grab a couple and chewed a few and then said I think it's a 6 pointer travelling from the North. Other older hunter grabs what's left on the snow and pops them in his mouth and say no it's definitely a 10 pointer coming up from the south east. My son is just in awe from these two knowledgeable hunters. He thought about that all day long until we told him the truth going home.

 

[Captcurt]

A reporter went to check on a mule that pointed birds. Sure enough, the mule did indeed point, but the reporter thought that it was trick. He thought that the mule was trained to point on command and was pointing planted birds.
"Let's take him across the river and get him into some wild birds," He suggested.
"We better not", answered the mule's owner, "He would rather fish than hunt".

 

[Bfh_auto]

A reporter went to check on a mule that pointed birds. Sure enough, the mule did indeed point, but the reporter thought that it was trick. He thought that the mule was trained to point on command and was pointing planted birds.
"Let's take him across the river and get him into some wild birds," He suggested.
"We better not", answered the mule's owner, "He would rather fish than hunt".

That's an old Jerry clower joke isn't it?

 

[Armored farmer]

My 3yo Grandson's favorite joke: (his daddy is a duck hunter)

Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.

 

[Captcurt]

That's an old Jerry clower joke isn't it?

Could be. I first heard it in the 70's. There was one about the world's greatest bird dog too. He walked in diminishing circles until all of the birds ran into hole in the ground. Then the dog put his paw over the hole until you told that you wanted singles or doubles.

 

[Bfh_auto]

Could be. I first heard it in the 70's. There was one about the world's greatest bird dog too. He walked in diminishing circles until all of the birds ran into hole in the ground. Then the dog put his paw over the hole until you told that you wanted singles or doubles.

I remember listening to his jokes with my Dad. Here's one that made me almost cry from laughing.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...wqsBegQIBxAE&usg=AOvVaw3LT1hCtLHX1coqS-0wTMdn

 

[tightgroup tiger]

My granddaughters favorite joke, Why go the geese cross the road? To Piss Off Grampa!
She told me this 5 years ago and still thinks it's funny. I still look at her and smile.

 

[Thomasss]

A hunter takes his puppy to a pointing and retriever training school. Confident he has a good hunting dog, he picks her up after 6 weeks and starts to drive home. Along the way he sees a stranded motorist and his dog goes into a rigid point and won't move in the back of the car. A little confused, hunter pulls off to the side of the road. He goes up to the motorist and says do you need some help? The motorist says sure, can you stop at the next gas station and send me a tow truck? The hunter says sure. Just let him know, says the motorist, .....my name is Bob White.

 

[FL-NC]

If you were shooting for s- you wouldn't even get a whiff. A dove/duck hunter empties his gun in the air and gets nothing: "Are you hunting, or firing a iraqi qualification table"?

 

[Speedo66]

A hunter was telling a friend about his drinking the previous Sat. night.

“I was so high I could have hunted ducks with a rake”.

 

[skfullen]

I once knew a girl so tall she hunted geese with a rake!

 

[Patocazador]

 

[rabid wombat]

Not really hunting, but mentions ‘venison’

 

[rabid wombat]

A little naughty…

 

[Patocazador]

 

[Shanghai McCoy]

^^^
Classic... The Far Side used to do a lot of hunting cartoons.

 

[Speedo66]

^^^
Classic... The Far Side used to do a lot of hunting cartoons.

This. I liked the one where a deer had a target on its chest, and the comment from another deer was “bummer of a birthmark, Hal”.

 

[Shanghai McCoy]

This. I liked the one where a deer had a target on its chest, and the comment from another deer was “bummer of a birthmark, Hal”.

That's another of the "Classics".

 

[Nasty Canasta]

"You can have the elk you shot lady,
just let me get my saddle off it."

 

[entropy]

A hunter takes his puppy to a pointing and retriever training school. Confident he has a good hunting dog, he picks her up after 6 weeks and starts to drive home. Along the way he sees a stranded motorist and his dog goes into a rigid point and won't move in the back of the car. A little confused, hunter pulls off to the side of the road. He goes up to the motorist and says do you need some help? The motorist says sure, can you stop at the next gas station and send me a tow truck? The hunter says sure. Just let him know, says the motorist, .....my name is Bob White.

His passenger's name was Dan Quayle.
(Rim shot)

So Sven, Arne and Ole are out hunting and they happen upon some tracks. Sven says " Doze are deer tracks!" Arne replies, "No, Sven look how big dey are. Doze are moose tracks! Say, Ole don't doze look like moose tracks to you?"
Before Ole could answer, all three were hit by the train.

 

[tightgroup tiger]

From Brazo's Bullets web site, I always like this,

 

[borrowedtime69]

Two men were road hunting the ditches along the road one pleasant afternoon on opening weekend for pheasant season. They had gotten a couple of birds and walking slowly and vigilantly.
As they hunted, a long line of cars drove towards them, they soon saw the first car was a beautiful black hearse. When it drew near, Sven removed his hat and bowed his head in solemn contemplation until the line had passed. His friend Ole was surprised his friend Sven had showed such reverence and removed his hat and bowed his head as well.
When the cars passed Ole said how much it touched him to see his friend be so thoughtful in such an occasion. Sven replied "well hell, it's the least I could do, we was married 36 years!."

 

[Mauser fan]

What get when you breed a deer with a pickle? A dill doe...

 

[borrowedtime69]

Two men were hunting deer in the rolling hills of a hunting area that was new to them. They had been hunting all day and they noticed first that it was fairly late in the day. The other thing that slowly dawned on the two men was that they had been walking for a couple of hours and lost track of their direction.
As a bit of panic started creeping in to their minds, one up and said that he recollected that if you get lost, you're supposed to shoot 3 times into the air at intervals to let people know you're in trouble and to help find them.
Well, the other hunter brightened up and says that's a great idea! So, in the dwindling light of the day, they shot off 3 shots in a row about every 20 minutes for what musta been 2 hours and they ain't seen nor heard of any rescue parties. So the one hunter looks over to the other and says, "I sure enough hope somebody comes and finds us soon, I'm pert-near outta arrows!"

 

[jmorris]

Reminds me of how to catch a polar bear. Start by boring a hole in the ice. Next place pea’s around the circumference of the hole. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.