any death is difficult to deal with; more so with a loved one, more so with a suicide, and they say the loss of one's child is the toughest of all. my condolences.
i've had my share of deaths around me, and always terrible, moreso the suicides of family members. make sure you've got someone to talk to, be it a friend, a minister, or a professional, even if you don't think you need it.
life goes on, but it's darn hard.
i know that having had family members shoot themselves did nothing to improve my mom's opinion of guns (it did not affect mine), and when i bought my 22, she made me promise i wasn't going to shoot myself or anyone else.