What not to get
+1 for just about anything H&K or SIG.
-1 for any S&W carry
If you want S&W carry, get a revolver.
Agree with most of what everyone has already said. Best thing you can do is make a list of the ones that people have recommended, go to a good dealer or show, and hold them. If you can, go to a range and rent some after you narrow down your selection.
No one has mentioned it yet, which is a good thing, but avoid the
SWP990L. Absolutely terrible and annoying gun. It is very very easy to "limp wrist" it and cause a jam - speaking from personal experience before I sold it.
Just a question, would you consider something in 45? You can find some nice single stack 45. I know you said you want to go with 9mm for "ammo matching." If it is cost you are worried about, do some research on the pricing. It generally comes out to about 10-15 cents per round more expensive (for good, non-wolf type ammo). Part of the reason I said this is your XL hand requirement...lot of carry 45s out there that would probably fit you well.
Just FYI to everyone else: I'm not trying to turn this into a "such and such a caliber is better than another."
So please respect the original poster's question.