Damn it. You guys have me all choked up.
I've never had to do the deed. I haven't had a dog since I was a kid. I'm more of a cat person. When it was necessary, my dad was the one to do it.
I remember one time in particular. I had a new puppy, maybe four months old. Cute little mutt, still fuzzy, but it looked like it would be a nice big dog with long hair. Anyway, one day it decided to chase my dad's tire as he was coming home. When I got up to it, it was hollering its head off, just yelping and crying, and trying to drag himself off the driveway with just his front legs. His hips didn't look right, sort of squashed, and one of his legs was broken so badly that the bone was sticking way up out of the fur.
I sat there with that little puppy in my lap for about five minutes. It stopped hollering when I picked it up; it was just sort of panting and whimpering. Then my dad came walking up the driveway carrying his pistol. His voice sounded all strange and he told me to "put that damn dog down and get back to the house" so I did (disobeying my dad was just not done). I started walking and he told me to keep going till I got inside and not to look back. This time I disobeyed him, though; I turned around just in time to see him lining up the sights on that little puppy. So I turned back around and started running, but I didn't make it inside before I heard the shot, and I just burst into tears right there on the front yard.
My dad buried him, and I just sat on the porch and watched him, but he didn't tell me to go inside again. After he got done burying the dog, he walked past me without a word and went back to his room and stayed in there by himself for a long, long time. I didn't figure out until many years later why that was.
One time, when I was a teenager, a deer made a kamikaze run at my car. I stopped to see if I had killed it, and I hadn't. The collision had, however, broken at least three of its legs and I guess it had caused internal hemorrhaging, because it was making this awful coughing, spitting noise, and blood was coming out of its mouth. I wished that night I had had a gun on me, and I think I would have ended it gladly. As it was, I went and got the tire iron out of my trunk, intending on trying to knock it unconscious.
When I got back, I stood there convincing myself that I could do it for about ten minutes, and trying to come up with reasons why I shouldn't, while that deer looked at me with this pitiful look, a look that I think that only an animal that is used to jumping twenty feet at a bound, and who is now immobilized, can give you. It wasn't struggling anymore, just looking at me, and coughing every few seconds. Then it died.
I had been on my way out, but I just drove back home. This time it was me sitting in a room by myself for several hours.
I now have a pet cat. She is my baby. I am devoted to this cat, even though she is a terrible pain in the ***. I can't think of five people I love more than this cat. I keep her inside, because I'm not willing to risk letting her get hit by a car. I know that one day she will die. I only hope that I have the option to ease her passing. I hope she dies in her sleep one day, many years in the future (she's only about six). However, if, God forbid and heavens forfend, she were to run out and get clobbered by a truck or something, and she was suffering, and I knew that she had about another twenty extremely painful minutes of life left....would I do it?
I don't know. I hope I would.
Crap. Now I'm crying. Don't tell my friends. I have a reputation as a big, tough guy. Just keep this between us, k?