Believe me, you don't ever want to know what that's like. You can't fight back, no matter how badly you want to defend yourself, because the law will not support you.
Unfortunately there is an unwritten double standard when it comes to genders and domestic violence. "Wifebeater" and "deadbeat dad" are terms everyone is quick to throw around but a "husbandbeater" or "deadbeat mom" is far rarer and seemingly politically incorrect in a PC world. Women that you've been with, as you know, are
very good at pressing your buttons and can be very persistent. Women can chase you down if you try to get away from an argument or dispute. They can, and might inflame you to the point of fight or flight. As mentioned by previous posters, some might attempt to get you to resort to physical violence, indulging in it themselves to provoke you.
The other day a man on the radio was speaking out on how his wife was hitting him a few years back (albiet not strong enough to hurt him badly) and it was a not an uncommon thing--the verbal and physical "abuse". None of it was serious (slaps and smacks) but the guy got sick of it. He ended up calling 911 to get her arrested. In a domestic abuse situation, the police have to make an arrest. When the police arrived, they offered to take the man in for a night in place of the wife presumably because he would take a bullet for her. Instead he made her spend a night in jail, rightfully so. Oddly enough, the marriage worked out just fine from that day on when her perceived invincibility failed.
In a world where everyone is crying for equality and ultra PC, there remains the longstanding idea that a lady's man "takes it like a man" when the lady of the house decides to scream, shout, and throw things at you. Complaining to police and others that your wife screams, shouts, and throws things at you can bruise your ego or get you laughed at even if it isn't enough to do you actual physical harm. You'll get called a sissy, pussy, or told that it's "part of the marriage package". If the actions were reversed, the man would find himself in jail very quickly. Of course, we hear arguments of "oh, she is to small of stature to do much damage" when you get slapped in the head, but the intent is there, independant of size or ability. Either way you cut it, there is a double standard here.
One might call me biased, but I grew up in a dysfunctional family (thankfully with no long term damage that I'm aware of) and seen a lot of stuff women can squeeze out of. It only takes one wrongfully charged domestic abuse count and you can lose a lot, including the ability to travel across the US/Canada border. I also seen situations (firsthand and relayed) of domestic violence where women have claimed untrue statements that got the spouse (or boyfriend) in deep trouble without any proof other than her word. You don't even need physical evidence anymore. Those who grew up in a normal family or are happily married might find it difficult to believe that human beings can act the way above unless one has lived through the same situations.
Quote:
SHE was the aggressor
but he didnt walk away, he stayed, continued yelling and shoving.
that is why he loses.
Sometimes walking away might not be an option afforded to you. At what point can he use self defense? A domestic quarrel can escalate into a situation that results in grave injury or death. In fact, it can be much more dangerous because someone's guard can be let down in such a situation and we've heard of plenty of fatalities resulting from domestic violence.
In any other situation on this forum, a scenario of someone being shoved and hit would result in a reaction of applying self-defense but we're supposed to think its okay for our signifigant others to use us as a punching bag and just take it? Say a wife of smaller stature than the husband isn't physically strong enough to hurt him with punches, then he can attempt to make an escape. What if the wife is equal in size or larger? What if she equalizes the lack of strength with airborne missiles or sharp objects? What about all the recent threads and articles posted here where some of us have clearly voiced our fears of the "one punch kill" and clearly stated they would be willing to excercise lethal force?
You're standing there in the living room getting nailed with dishes, tea kettle full of hot water, and all sorts of flying debris with screams of anger filling the air. You shout that you're going for the front door to get the eff out of there. She runs to the door into your path and refuses to move and starts hitting you. You grab her wrists in self defense at an attempt to stop getting hit. She gets bruised from the struggle and you go down for domestic violence charges when she calls the cops. You tried to walk away but she didn't let it happen.
That happened here.
I don't know what else you could do in the given situation, except cower in a corner and hope she calms down. Catch 22. Its generally hard for a man to come out on top of a domestic violence situation (provided he is actually innocent)
