I'm looking for some thoughts and opinions on a weighty topic...
Background:
A troubled man deliberately kills himself with his Colt 1911. Some years later, the deceased's father gives the gun to a nephew, who is a younger cousin of the suicide victim. The uncle (again, he's the father of the suicide victim) expresses a desire to his nephew that the gun stay in the family. But the deceased's mother wants the gun "gone," and the deceased's sister wants the gun destroyed.
The younger cousin who now has the 1911 wants to keep the gun, and is thinking of having it refinished (the pistol still has organic residue on it from the suicide). Further, the cousin who received the 1911 wants to shoot it as a tribute to his late older cousin, with whom he shared many good times and has many great memories. Plus, the younger cousin wants (someday) to start enjoying the suicide gun with his own son.
Two questions:
1. Whose wishes should be honored, the uncle's or the deceased's sister's?
2. If the gun stays, should future shooting activities involving the suicide gun within the (extended) family be kept secret from the sister to avoid re-traumatizing her?
Another point: If individuals are at a greater risk to commit suicide if a family member has already done so -- at least 2.5x greater, according to one study published in 2010 -- does anyone see an added danger of keeping this particular gun around?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts on this.
Mr. Doughnut
Sounds tricky, and yet, maybe not.
Breaking down the facts:
1) The father of the deceased retained possession for several years after the event.
2) The mother and sister were not successful in having it removed or destroyed. So either they didn't speak up, or the father, having possession, refused to destroy it.
3) Father transfers possession to another family member. (Again, years later.)
4) The new owner, the younger cousin, wants to keep it.
IMO, the new owner decides the final disposition. Period. If he is convinced by the mother and sister to dispose of it, then that is a correct outcome. If he decides to keep it, I would also say that is a correct outcome. He will have to weigh the wishes of others and his own wishes.
As others have said, it is an inanimate object, possessing no will or emotion of it's own. It is only in the mind of the holder (or beholder).
I would never recommend keeping it a secret, although tactfulness about the subject seems appropriate. Having it refinished and cosmetically altered would probably go a long way in terms of distancing the mental connection of the event from the item.
Ultimately (and unfortunately), nothing will ever return what was truly lost... A son, a brother, a cousin... Even throwing the 1911 into the sun can't change that. Condolences to the family.