What did it/will it take for the woman in your life to understand home safety?

[pax]

TallPine ~

The Lord does protect her. He gave her a cunning human mind and a flexible human body. And then He set her in a world where actions have consequences.

The farmer prays for a good crop, and then goes out and works the fields knowing the Lord will provide. A workingman prays "give us this day our daily bread," and then goes out and WORKS for that bread. That's the world the Lord set us in.

Trusting the Lord to protect is in no way at odds with working to protect yourself -- not any more than trusting Him for your daily bread is at odds with ploughing the field and watering it to help the wheat grow.

(Try that one, next time. )

pax

 

[GCW5]

There were 2 things that happened during about a 7 month preiod that changed my wife's way of thinking about defending herself. The kids were about 5, 4, & 2 at the time (20+ some years ago), heres what happened:

One nice afternoon in late spring, kids playing in the yard, she was working in the guarden, she had the hose out to water as she went. She was spraying water, then it quit, thinking that it must be the kids turned the water off, so when she came around the house, she was shocked to see 3 very tired looking & thursty men (none spoke english), being treated to ice water by the oldest boy. She shooed the kids into the house, made a water jug and sandwitches, gave it to them and hoped they'd leave, which they did. The whole time this was going on, about 20 minutes, she was woundering what she was going to do if anything else happened. When I got home, we had gun handling & shooting class, which I han been trying to do since we were married, on the shotgun and pistol (12 ga, and .45). She didn't like eather, but when I sugested we get something just for her, she didn't want to spend the money.

Around Thanksgiving time, there was an escape from a prison about 25 miles away. No big deal, never be up our way. About 1 AM, the door bell rings, and it's the sheriff wanting to know if we'd seen anything strange around. Seems they found an abandoned car about a mile from the house that had been taken by the escapie. Needless to say we didn't go back to bead that night. Next morning we were at the gunshop, getting her the gun of her choice, a nice, police trade S&W 586, some reloading dies, and several boxes of assorted .357 & 38 special ammo to try out.

She dosn't practice as much as I'd like her to, but the girl can shoot.

 

[old4x4]

What would it take for my significant other to understand home safety? Unfortunately, probably something horrible, God forbid. She's stubborn and "harumphs"/laughs every time I put my handgun on. She won't even go shooting with me. We live in a fairly low crime area, but there are 50+acres out back for someone to infil/exfil w/o being seen. At least she locks the door at night. We work opposite shifts, too. I don't see her awake until the weekend..

 

[JLStorm]

Old4x4, sounds like my wife! The only time she likes that I am carrying is when she feels scared. She has a small 38/357 I got her for ccw and home defense and she says if someone breaks in I'll just use the 357...of course its in a safe that she can never remember the combination too and I dont even think she has shot the thing yet, and its unloaded....:banghead:

 

[ArfinGreebly]

Research & Enlightenment

A little over a year ago my wife, who has run her own business online since before Y2K, decided as long as she was online a lot anyway, and since she saw that the blogs were typically days or even weeks ahead of the news curve (including stories that TV land wouldn't even acknowledge), and being somewhat politically to the right (thus frustrated by news quality) . . . decided to start a blog of her own (www.noisyroom.net).

As she chased stories and hooked up with other online sources, she began to notice patterns. I would come home at night and she'd have stories that never saw the light of TV, and some of these worried her -- not only for their content, but that this content wasn't "mainstream" newsworthy.

She began to fret about SHTF scenarios (she was in contact with a web outfit that survived Katrina and rode it out in a building downtown). She saw that, as a country, especially with open borders, we were way more vulnerable than TV wanted to talk about.

We had an opportunity to meet with Chris Simcox, and got our eyes opened even further.

During this period, as things went through varying degrees of bleakness, I suggested that it might be good to have some general purpose firearms, and she made the checkbook available for that. I suggested that she should learn, but she wasn't that interested. It was kind of "my job" to look after that stuff.

Every so often she'd ask if we had what we needed and whether we had enough ammo. We even evolved a cute saying in the house when a particularly troubling story would bubble up on the web or on TV: we'd look at each other and say, "more ammo."

She still, however, wasn't really on board for herself.

And then, one day . . .

I happened to be home at the time (don't even remember why, now). It was the middle of the week, and a school day. There was an increase in the noise level outside, sort of a rhythmic surge of "white noise" at first. As it came closer, it seemed to be voices chanting something, but I couldn't make it out. I stepped outside for a look.

Coming up our street, past the middle school, ten or twelve abreast, holding a large Mexican flag before them, was a "parade" of young folks -- one might call them "youths" -- shouting slogans in . . . Mexican. Not Spanish. None of these kids was from Spain. Angry countenances. Fists in the air. Decidedly confrontational. Loud. Unapologetic. Not a smile in the bunch. Right past my front door.

My first thought, after realizing that the police were holding a position back about three or four blocks, was, "I'm completely not prepared for this scenario. I'm not. We're not. Nothing in my cabinet would deal with this."

My wife couldn't provide backup. The kids might adapt, but probably not fast enough.

Wife asked what was going on. I told her. She looked through the window. "Do we have enough [equipment] to deal with that if it goes bad?"

"No."

"What do we need?"

"We need [short list] and more ammo. And you need to have one and you need to practice."

"Okay."

I got her a pistol for her birthday. She loved it. She doesn't shoot much, as her schedule is pretty intense. We'll be going out again soon, though.

Come the summer, we're both going for CCW.

So, what did it take? A frightening confrontation with the possibilities.

 

[mindwip]

Here is how I bring up gun safty/use in the house/CCW.

Real simple, notice i don't tell her anything.

So would you want kids some day?( or if your already taking about kids start with next question)

Would you protect them?

What happens if you had to get hurt to protect them, would you still try?

What happens if you had to stop someone from hurting/killing your kid and the only way was to kill them?

Would you shoot them, to stop them from getting your kids?

Then i just say i would do the same for her or the kids. And thats why i think guns are good for self defense. After proper training. Most of the time I would start this conversation when your close (on the couch/bed together) to your loved one.

 

[Pax Jordana]

(It wasn't high road, especially cos it was about my ex)

 

[GregZ]

My wife thought I was nuts until she became a cop. Now I am not so nuts anymore. She now sees the real nuts on the street every day. LOL

 

[Gunblade]

$0.02<

Try inviting her to watch "It takes a thief" on discovery channel.

Very often people both watching the show and the victims on the show are shocked at how fast an experienced thief can operate and how close you might come to meeting them face to face.

 

[karz10]

Gunblade
$0.02<

Try inviting her to watch "It takes a thief" on discovery channel.

Very often people both watching the show and the victims on the show are shocked at how fast an experienced thief can operate and how close you might come to meeting them face to face.

+1 I was about to suggest the same thing. There may be other shows or resources to accomplish this, and maybe do a better job of being pro firearms, but this was the best show I could think of off the top of my head.

After seeing that show, although not the only factor, and we moved into our own house, she's a lot better about arming the security system (remembering to disarm it before she goes outside in the morning is another matter, however, but we're working on that.) You really get to see someone toss a house, and see the homeowners sitting there like, what if our teenager was home, what if you were home alone or w/ the baby, what if the intruder was armed, etc. the show incites the watcher to ask those questions to themselves w/out any influence from you directly.

-------

I've also noticed a funny thing with my wife. We don't argue that often, but when we do have discussions or argue about things, I keep looking for an immediate resolution or clarification of talking points, but far too often the conversation just ends, usually w/ me thinking we're still far apart on a few issues, or it drifts to other topics. While we both had time to make our points on something, it never cleanly wraps up w/ an agreement (let alone a winner, lol).

Then, *sometimes* I'll hear her discussing some issue w/ someone on the phone, or when we have people over, and she'll incorporate some of the thoughts I was trying to express to her, into her discussion w/ the other party. And I'm thinking, hmmmm, I wish I could have heard that the other night, but if you needed a few days to get there, that's ok. So I've learned to be a little more patient when presenting my ideas, sometimes it takes time.

She's not been around guns much, and is currently nervous about handling them, but I'm just taking my time. I told her that with all the stuff going on in the world, I thought it was time to start getting some firearms, starting w/ a handgun and a shotgun, and going from there. Since the HG is more portable, I started w/ that one. Her only concern, if it's not on me, it's gotta be locked up, since we have a 4 yo, which I agreed without hesitation, and I don't want it in the hands of a BG either, so if it's not on me, it's locked up, but ready to go.

She held it the other day (Glock 19) and commented how light it was, (it was empty at the time, but still a sign of confidence), and agreed to go to the range w/ me sometime, and if it went well, join me to take the CCW class, w/ my reason being we wouldn't have to worry about transport issues switching cars etc. if I had a gun in one of the cars she was about to drive, and if she *wanted* to carry, even for a specific one-time reason, she'd already be legally allowed to do so, get it out of the way.

Then I mentioned that in order for her to take that class, she'll need to become familiar with the weapon, and learn to shoot it before we go to that class. I think I may have already gotten her to the range, except our schedule w/ the little one makes it hard for us to both be together off-site, minus the little one, before the ranges in the area close.

BTW, I also noted that the CCW class I found gives a discount for couples, here it's $75 per, or $120 for a couple, and the range I'm looking at is $119 yr single or I think $139 for a family (or $8 hr per person, it's just an indoor pistol range), so there was a little urgency for her to get on board, to save us money in the long run

So, I decided to get her comfortable w/ the gun when opportunities arise before we go to the range, so she'll have more background going in, and be more productive while we're there. So I wanted to review the major safety rules with her, and demystify the handgun a little. She came home early one day before our daughter got home (still too late for range though), and I already had the gun and it's accessories all over the coffee table when she came in, coz I was doing some measuring and stuff, using my case as a guide on where to put a storage safe in my vehicle, in case I ever have to lock it up in the car.

Her eyes got a little big seeing it all over the coffee table, and after I got off the phone asked me what I was doing, and I told her what I was doing and said since you're here, maybe I can show you some stuff. She said she didn't want to get into it right then, and seemed a little nervous, so I said that's cool, and before I put the stuff to the side, I field stripped it right in front of her, showing her the empty barrel, frame and slide, not getting too technical, but just showing her in its current state there's nothing to be afraid of. I then reassembled it, and showed her how I dropped the mag, and locked the slide open, explaining if you ever handle a weapon you need to check these things, and if you are going to hand it to someone to do this so everyone understands the gun is in a condition that's as safe as it's going to get, and while there's nothing to be afraid of, you still don't sweep people with it, etc. to promote safe handling practices and avoid AD at all costs.

This all happened in a few short minutes, I then received that look like, "I hear you, I believe you, I really just want to read my book right now, but thanks for sharing, give me a few days to digest that, and I'll let you know if I have any questions" which as I mentioned above, is my queue to let her chew on that for a few days, and not look for immediate validation. Since our 4yo was going to be at a relatives that night, I just left it all out there on the coffe table the rest of the night, while we watched tv, she read her book, and I scoured THR and the web for handgun safes, occasionally showing her some of the safe boxes I found.

Then when I asked her about the range another day, she said maybe Monday of next week, if we trade off w/ a neighbor for a play day. So for me, it's a little bit at a time.

Whether it's necessary or not, I give her a lot of information about my plans, (at the proper time) which I've found for me means taking one thing at a time, BUT whatever the current step is, I provide information about why I'm doing things, rather than waiting for her to ask or wonder, I find I get less resistance if I lay things out in a logical manner, rather than only give a little information, let her misunderstand that information, followed by making up her mind about an issue based on faulty understanding of the information, which tends to lead to resistance, and eventually an argument, to which it takes me several attempts to get to the bottom of the misunderstanding.

So if I say that I need, or want, to do something, I go ahead and lay out some of the major issues behind that line of thinking, and how it benefits us/her.

Many times, before I get to the stage where I'm explaining something like that, like some others have said, asking a lot of directed questions about whatever the subject is beforehand is good too. I've often learned that she has some concern about something that I would have never guessed before, so before I go too far down a road, I'll ask some open ended conversational questions about something. Then, I can incorporate those concerns, and potential alternative thoughts, or resolutions, into my research, and ultimately my presentation to her, making a more positive and friendly impact on her receptiveness to my ideas.

Anyway, that's me and my spouse, YMMV. You know your spouse better than anyone hopefully, sit back and think about how you compromise or come to agreements on other matters.

Hope that helps on some level, sorry it's a long post.

Karz

 

[pax]

Karz ~

Great post.

What have you done to allay her fears about your 4yo getting into the guns?

(I'm guessing that showing her the safes you were looking at was a great move, btw.)

pax

 

[collateral]

my girlfriend is relatively little, short and small frame. When I bought my yugo, after I cleaned it all up, she was there when I fired it. I let her hold it and fire a few rounds (after a long lecture about how to safely handle and shoot a firearm). I have to say that little experiance changed her from being somebody who was afraid of guns (often warned me that one of mine would blow up in my face one day haha), to now a blossoming gun enthusiast! After I explained to her how it all works and how guns are manufactured to certain tolerances, and if you stay within those the firearm will perform how it is supposed to, she now is beggining to trust them and actually WANTS to shoot with me more often.

Granted this is just a start to getting her ready to defend herself. She knows that bad things can happen to anybody. A few years back her house was robbed, she and her mother had a 12 gauge in their faces. It could have gone very bad. She doesnt want to be victimized, but she isnt making all the moves to try to prevent it just yet.

Baby steps I guess. If your significant other hasn't shot yet, take them to the range. I prefer an outdoor one on a nice day when she comes with me. It's nicer for them. A person who is more comfortable shooting firearms will be more comfortable with defending their life with one.

I explain to her that the type of people who break into houses and who will attack women are willing/aiming to hurt or kill them. And that in defense of ones-self, home and loved ones, we must be willing to hurt or kill them. We are in the right as it is our home/loved ones/self that is under attack.

I also use child predators as an example. People who are willing to do horrific things to children can look like ordinary good people and they can live ANYWHERE, so its a valid assumption to say that people who are willing to do horrific things to women can look like ordinary good people and can live ANYWHERE.

She is beginning to come around, the sooner the better I guess.

I'm 18 and still live at home. My dad had a shotgun prior to my brother, sister and I being born. From that point on my mom took the position of wanting "no guns in the house." It was a drag for me because I grew up with extended family that loved shooting, and a lot of friends who loved it as well. I wanted to take part in it. When I was 18 my parents accepted the fact that I was legally an adult and had a right to own firearms. I took my parents with me when I bought my first .22, talked to them all about it (my dad already knew), after purchasing my first rifle, I showed my mom how I kept it and the ammunition stored safely and out of reach of my little brother. I had to earn their trust.

My mom and my sister are the types of "it could never happen here" people. I am trying to educate them on how to load and use my guns, in case they ever had to when I wasnt home. My sister got a rude awakening to the fact that bad things can happen anywhere when our house was broken into. She is now a believer but is still too afraid to learn how to shoot.
I guess by earning my moms trust concerning firearms is the only course of action I can take. Hopefully sometime soon she'll be willing to put a few rounds down range and accept the fact that bad things can happen, or at least know how to defend herself in case anything ever does.

 

[Hazwaste]

One event made clear to my wife and me that personal protection is a personal responsibility. 9/11

On 9/10 we trusted our government and officials to protect us. On 9/11 we realized that that protection did not exist.

 

[30 cal slob]

things change with women sometimes ... when a little one enters the picture. then it's not about just her anymore. powerful incentive, especially with all the horrible stuff being reported in the news.

 

[sm]

Barbara, pax , others great posts!

Different slant if you will.

One cannot change people, places and things; the only thing a person can do is change themselves.
Yep, straight from the AA Big Book.

[hey pax got to cite some Spirtual stuff *wink*]

Me, I fired all my family except for mom. I seem to be the only sib, that takes an interest in this. Then I was told by sibs "the eldest has to and not the others job" .

Mom, is 78, and while she is smart, raised a country gal and all...she does not "have it" or "get it" as she once did.

There are plenty of books on raising kids - none I know of on how to "raise a parent".
It is tiring, frustrating, and drives me nuts at times dealing with mom.

I took my own advice, face to face with calm in voice -

"Mom, all I can do is change me and how I deal with you and your safety. I have already accepted a lot of things about life, and this upset some of the family when serious things happened and I was accused of being cold hearted.
NO. I honestly did the right thing in regard to personal safety with these family members,and they made choices and suffered consequences.

Mom, I have accepted the fact you will be a victim. It may be something minor, serious or even death, no matter I have accepted this and must continue to take care of me, and my personal safety and my serenity".

Well folks, not exactly what a mom wants to hear from eldest kid, still it needed to be said.

If I do not take care of me - then I cannot be there for mom if she need me.
It is well known I do not do stress, and protect my serenity.
I only have so much of "me" and I will expend all my energies and reserve 24/7.
Folks that know me "joke" how I will get into a fistfight to avoid getting into / allowing stress in my life.
I am fortunate, when matters go south and others are going crazy - I gear down and keep cool and get things done.
Selfish me, protects me by not allowing stress in my life.

I need these reserves when serious matters, emergencies come up. When I expend these reserves - back away and leave me alone, I will re-charge my batteries.

Selfish? Yep, one has to be selfish in personal responsibility. I choose to be selfish in taking care of me, my personal safety and serenity.

I am not going to a victim myself because I worried, fretted, got stressed out and used up all my reserves trying to change people, places and things I cannot.

Mom...she actually turned off the TV and thought about all this. She tossed out the "Church card".

No, I do not attend, my personal reasons, still respect the fact that mom has her Church bit.

"Mom, you can be standing on a RR track with a train coming down the track, and praying as hard as you can.
Simple fact is, one is supposed to take an action. Praying is fine, one has to take action, or so I recall as a pup when I did attend.
Now the deal is, you may take an action and lose a foot, you may still get run over, when it is your time to get hurt, die, - you get hurt or die and no amount of praying is going to change that"

Then I left , right as I did and she started to say something - I cut her off.

Unwritten rule with me, and goes way back to when I was a pup. Do not tell me to be careful, do not wish me luck, do not say you are concerned , will be worried...

Has to do with how raised, environment, industry and all. "WE" just firm handshake, hug, nod of head , eye-to-eye and no words spoken.

Mom is "mom" and she being her has tried to change me.

See a part of my life has always been segmented and private, not even family and friends know, not even closest friends. Security reasons , and I take this serious, my responsibility you see.

Folks "in the close circle" that do know, know to never bring it up, if they call and leave a message over at mom's for me, all is heard is "<first name> called to say hi, will catch you later".

Now a few times in life, there has been a serious situation, some involved mom and these folks in this tight knit bunch were involved.

Mom mentioned on the next visit one situation and how handled, she recalled no mention of "be careful", "I am worried", "take care" - all she saw was eye contact and head nods.

"Mom, that is the way it is, accept it and go on, you cannot change me, people , places or things".

This is what got mom to quit to "worrying" about some matters and taking care of herself. This is what got her to make some efforts in taking personal responsibility for herself.

She knows I "fired" family and she knows she has come real darn close on being "fired" herself.

No, I am no angel, not a perfect son and any chance of me getting sainthood went out the window by the time I was 3.

Mom started using her cane "more" and said to me...
"Guess I better start using this thing huh? Because if I fall down and break my hip I am not going to get to come running to you for help".

We can talk, and the hard talk too, she just did a play on the parent telling the kid if they get run over playing in the street, don't come running to momma.

--

I refused to walk out two ladies to vehicles, that were anti-gun. I actually told them to flip a coin as to which one would get raped first while the other dialed 911.
Cold?
I dunno, they made it okay and one ended up changing sides and getting CCW.

One lady in denial and at the time I was in the Main OR, I got permission to show her the young lady that had "submitted" and everything else "they" say to do.

She threw up, folks do that after seeing a body that has had organs donated.
[dead , and we did the organ harvest]
Same lady denied anything would ever happen to her. Then a best girl friend was attacked. Still she denied. She hit her "bottom" when she got cornered and literally ran for her life.

"About this getting training and CCW stuff, I am ready " she said.
I sent her to a lady to get instructions.
She was upset I would not do this for her, I explained it was best for her to have a lady do this.


One set of "family" I fired got into a situation, serious and called me - I hung up on them.
They called again, and " maybe you should pray harder next time - tell you what, my niece, the one hurt ,is YOUR responsibility being a child and all. Now if something worse had happened / if it should happen in the future, I will be there like white on rice to be the responsible adult, and do not think I will not raise nine kinds of hell doing it".

A child is supposed to be parented and the parents be responsible for child's safety.
The .357 magnum I bought for this nieces dad? Locked away, ammunition separate and not fired in who knows when.

Life is just easier if one accepts folks are going to get raped, assaulted, injured , dead....

 

[jamz]

My wife is plenty aware of home security, but she's also a frugal yankee who doesnt want to spend a lot of money on an alarm system or anything. Both kids are also allergic to cats and dogs, even "hypoallergenic" ones, so big dogs are out. My job takes me away one or two or three nights a week, leaving her with our 7 and 4 year old kids.

We are discussing a job move in which I would potentially be away more, and she confided that the worst part about being alone isn't the kids driving her crazy- it's the feeling of being alone and unprotected in the house. Especially at night.

We then talked a little about planning, and she has ideas of which table lamp she will use to smash the window and yell out to the neighbors, and ... you will love this.... she has a can of furniture polish in the desk drawer that she would use to spray in a home invader's face.

When she told me that I was quite literally stunned, and then forgive me, but I couldn't stop giggling at the idea.

Sooo... we have someone who recognizes the threat, is able to make plans to deal with the threat, but said plans are entirely unrealistic. She also has a tremendous negative, visceral, illogical reaction (her words) to guns.

I got my work cut out for me to make her see that firearms are definitely part (usually the last part) of a good layered home defense system.

 

[walking arsenal]

Nothin.

She asked me "Whats that gun for?"

I said "home defense"

And she said "Shouldn't it be bigger for that?"

Looks at M 85 .38 special

"Yes, yes it should"


Bought a 12ga a week later.

 

[Froggy]

What did it/will it take for the woman in your life to understand home safety?

I guess I chose well -- my wife and I have seen eye-to-eye on this issue all along. If I were to dig around I would probably learn it had something to do with where & when she was raised.

In my experience, you can't tell anyone anything -- you have to let them figure it out for themselves if you want it to stick. As others have said, about the best you can do is ask the questions that create the "teachable moment" when the woman in your life will figure it out on her own. Otherwise, at best, they are doing it for you instead of themselves and when you are not there they will revert to their own habits.

And it will likely take more than one experience, or more than one "teachable moment," to overcome complacency and allow a new routine to become habit.

Anecdote: We keep our door locked, even when home. By contrast, the neighbors next door never lock their doors and often leave them standing wide open due to lack of care in coming or going. Then one day a home was invaded less than a block away and an elderly couple was held at gunpoint while the thieves ransacked the place. News and gossip spread and our neighbors were for a while carefully closing and locking their doors even when home. Then, when the news grew stale, they stopped locking their doors. Then they stopped worrying about whether or not they were closed. In only a couple of months they were right back where they started.

There have been other home invasions and a significant number of burglaries in our small town since then, but none that have come to the attention of our neighbors. They just aren't aware of the real risks involved since it is not happening right in front of them.

You might start by reading aloud from the newspapers the stories that help set up the conversations and questions that will nudge her in the right direction.

 

[ArfinGreebly]

Jamz

negative, visceral, illogical reaction

Yeah, I'm familiar with the phenomenon.

I taught my wife to drive.

I taught my wife to shoot.

Driving:

Take car somewhere such that no one can get hurt (gravel pit);
park car;
trade seats;
have her work the hand brake; explain use of hand brake;
have her press foot brake; explain;
have her press clutch pedal; explain;
have her work shift lever and clutch; explain;
have her turn car on; turn car off;
repeat turning car on and off;
car on, shift into first, shift back to neutral, car off;
car on, shift into first, left clutch up slowly until car starts to move, press clutch, shift into neutral, car off;
and so on, and so on, for the rest of the afternoon.​

She has never had an accident or traffic ticket in 22 years of driving.

Shooting:

At home:
Clear gun; drop mag; show her gun is empty; stick piece of plastic in chamber;
recite The Four Rules;
hand her the gun;
have her keep it pointed in safe direction; lay it down; pick it up;
lay it down; pick it up.
again, until comfortable (usually a smile, but my wife was ". . . and?" so we moved on);
show her how to work the slide; open and lock slide; close slide;
repeat, until comfortable;
show her how to insert magazine and drop magazine;
have her insert mag; drop mag;
repeat, until comfortable;
show her how to load (dummy) rounds in magazine . . .
and so on until we had covered all the basic operations.

At the range:
Reminder about pointing in safe direction; review The Four Rules;
have her drop mag; lay pistol down;
have her load rounds into mag;
have her slap mag into pistol;
have her work slide;
have her point at target (10 yards);
have her squeeze trigger;
repeat, until mag empty;
show her the target; brag on her a bit; get the grin;
load next mag; work slide; work trigger;
repeat until wife says, "This is great! And it's so easy!"
Brag some more to wife about how her first effort was better than mine.
Suppress Snoopy dance and war whoops; pack up and drive home.​

The point of all this is baby steps.

We did one simple thing until that one thing was so well understood as to be boring.

Then we did the next simple thing until that was ironed flat.

And then we did the next simple thing. And the next.

One of the things that puts people off with any new subject is disorientation.

The faster you cover the material, the more disorientation you get.

If you cover each thing, one step at a time, until each thing is understood, you can get to the other end without that "spinny" feeling.

When fear is also an element, you may need more time on each step. Watch for tentative motions to become confident ones; watch for confusion to be replaced by focus.

My wife's not a "shooter's shooter" yet, and may never be, however she's no longer afraid to touch a gun and make it work.

And, by the way, it's true: she did shoot better than I did on my first time out.

 

[distra]

Two words, child birth. Once our son was born she became extremely aware of security and home protection. She has her CCW and her own firearms.

 

[heypete]

Nothing. My girlfriend is already very aware of home safety.

She locks her door religiously, even when simply taking the trash out to the dumpster in her condo complex. The sliding doors and windows are consistently closed and locked, though the kitchen window may be opened (it's about 30 feet off the ground, with a sheer wall beneath it -- it's unlikely for a criminal to enter this way, though it's only open when we're in the house and awake).

She has no problems with me regularly bringing guns over, and enjoysshooting (she's the one in red). However, she recently had shoulder surgery and is unable to shoot until the doctor gives her the ok.

After I finish up with college in two years (hooray for spending some time in the army and going back to college), she was trying to figure out a way for me to get the 700 pound gun safe up the stairs and into her condo, and was thinking how we might remodel one of the interior walls/storage areas next to the washer/dryer room to accommodate the safe. I told her that I would buy her a "starter gun" (as nobody owns just one gun) of her choice (within reason, mostly budgetary reasons) and pay for her to go to a training class (with or without me, her preference). She's comfortable with that, but wants me to get a bit more sound financial footing (I have to pay off a bit of debt first) before making that sort of investment, and would also like to try out a bunch of guns before settling on one to buy.

Her dad's an Environmental Police Officer in Mass., and is a bit of a gun nut too. She told her mom, "Mom, when Pete comes out to meet you, don't have dad cleaning the shotgun on the kitchen table. He'd like that, sit down, and start chatting about guns with dad."

Match made in heaven, I'm telling you.

 

[ACP]

Being pregnant, or actually having children. My wife was very anti-gun until about the time our two kids came along. A good friend (woman) is very anti-death penalty, but after the birth of her daughter says she would kill anyone who touched her daughter. The "protection" gene really kicks in when women have someone to protect... instead of just being protected by a man.

 

[03Shadowbob]

Where do you live? I only ask because if you live in a relatively safe place with little crime, that may have something to do with it. I know my family in Hickory Ridge AR is not too concerned about it however down here we are.
My wife is from a very very small town in GA and when we first moved down here from college she didn't think much of safety until she started watching the local news. She changed her mind pretty quick.

 

[R33P3R]

it didn't take much for my girlfriend, since her and her family is what got me interested in guns for personal safety in the first place.

 

[glockman19]

My wife isn't a gun lover but understands the need for safety after several break in attempts. The last while we were asleep at home. One reason I'll be getting another J frame a 442 to go along with my 642. She's a little intimidated by the 686 and we don't want her having trouble racking the slide with the semi-autos.