Wife/Girlfriend is ANTI! What to do??

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My fiance' was an anti too.

Basically I bought a gun and told her, "I love you. I own a gun and will continue to own one. The only way we are going to solve this is if we talk about it and comprimise. If we dont have the ability to talk to each other and work things out to express ourselves then what do we have?"

That was it, I meant it and knew it. We talked and came to an agreement. I sent her lots of reading so she could educate herself and we worked it out.
Basically I can buy one handgun a year(mainly so I dont spend to much money on it when I have alot of other things I need and limited income, when I make more we will reaccess it) and when we move in together no bullets in the house. She likes shooting my CZ 9mm too, we go to the range now. :)
 
rayra

Sorry I took so long to answer your question. I lost this thread for awhile. I am an ex-therapist because unfortunately I make a lot more money doing what I do now. The mental health game does not pay very well but the property developement game does. I can make a years salary of my old job in a couple months with what I do now if I am willing to put in the hours. Unfortunately I am lazy so I am the kind of person that would rather work 20 hours a week for 200k a year than put in the 40hours aweek for 400k. So I will never get rich.

Seems like this thread has taken some weird turns. Alot of the posts I read are about whether women and children can rack the slide of an auto pistol. I think the original topic was whether someone should try compromise with their potential partner or "run away" because they are not gun lovers. I still stand with the compromise opinion. Even if I was attacked for daring to suggest people look at both sides of an issue without trying to automatically turn the guy into a "victim" because his partner did not like guns.

I also see some that wanted to say therapy never helps anyone. To them I say "maybe you just don't want to be helped". Some people prefer lives of drama and heartache. Even if they are "three times" my age. Wisdom does not come with age. It comes with experience. I know many elderly people that refused to learn from experience and are as ignorant today as the day they stepped off their mothers doorstep. I love when people use the "listen to me, I am old" statement. Like being old automatically makes you wise. Don't telemarketers and scam artists target elderly people for a reason? :)
 
Go to the range, and pick out a new girlfriend.
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For more reason than one I would not want to try and pick up any of the women at the range I go to here in Portland. It tends to attract the "healthy" stock. The ones with mullets and wallet chains. My back is not what it used to be and this could be painful even if they didn't struggle.
 
I've never dated an anti. I don't allow myself to get that involved if the fundamentals aren't correct from the very start. My gun hobby is non-negotiable in my mind.

If she's working on her post grad, she's smart. Unwilling to reason with facts is not being intelligent and we wouldn't last more than a few months.

I'm 29 and single...if it's not right, I just walk away. Tell 'em the truth, make 'em cry if you have to, but I'm not sacrificing my comforts and I'm certainly not settling for anyone or anything.

...and when we move in together no bullets in the house.
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:what: No, never, absolutely not.

Ed
 
Ugh, I'd only read halfway through the thread when I posted my earlier response. Having just read Ruger451's posts from yesterday, I need to amend.

Ruger, if she's telling you that you aren't allowed to own a gun with keeping it at the range and/or your own car, there's no middle ground. Either she sees the error of her ways and backs off, or 'goodbye'. That her anti-gun parents own the house is simply a smokescreen, and irrelevant to the discussion given the more strict parameters she wants to set anyway.

Personally, instead of buying a gun, I'd simply make obvious preparations for moving out (after having made CYA preps for moving out, such as changing passwords, credit card #s, etc), and when she asks what's going on, say that it is your response to her ultimatum. If she wants to argue on an emotional level, might as well let her start chewing on that first.
 
Ruger451 you better run dammit, if you have not already after ONE FULL YEAR for the date of the initial posting
 
Bainx,

I'm not sure how you're doing it, but since you're a year ahead of the rest of us, could you please tell me who won the Superbowl in 2007 ?

Thanks!

John
 
MONKEYBEAR - "... and when we move in together no bullets in the house."
_________________________________________________________________

You're kidding. (?????)

L.W.
 
[QUOTEAny advice?][/QUOTE]

Drop her. People who fear guns for the simple fact of there existence have deep psychological problems. Never marry a person with psychological problems they will soon make them yours. Thats my position, I am a grown man, I make a grown man's salary and I will do what I want with my money/life.
 
PlayboyPenguin said: Even if I was attacked for daring to suggest people look at both sides of an issue without trying to automatically turn the guy into a "victim" because his partner did not like guns.
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That's because most of us identified this pretty quickly as a fight for control and not an intellectual debate over an issue. I'm still perplexed how a trained therapist and phychology major would have mischaracterized it. Then again . . . I'm not.

Ruger, my comment about co-habitating had nothing to do with morality. It does change the dynamics of the relationship, though. I know you still think its an intellectual matter you can change or persuade her over. Most of the guys here who are older than you see through that misconception. They are drawing on their experience with women and that control issue to tell you they've been through it, have seen their buddies go through it, and you don't know it yet, but you're being put through it, too. The mere fact you are reduced to having to beg for permission in a dating relationship should suggest the amount of control you have relinquished.

Buddy, you have decided you can't walk out of this relationship. You've committed yourself to it, and she knows it. Has leaving over an issue ever crossed your mind? Any issue at all? Once a woman knows you're not willing to call it quits, she knows she's got you. And she'll call the shots, she'll decide your weekend plans, she'll do things like make snide comments and insult you.

Because, what are you gonna do about it . . . . ? Withhold sex from her?
 
If she's making you choose, choose which one you love most. What other option do you have?

Chances are, if you choose her, guns are gone for good. If you choose guns, she may or may not be gone. Women are the best bluffers in the world because they usually win when doing so. You may be willing to chance it though and if that's the case, that's just fine. You can always change your mind someday. ;)
 
BullFrogKen

Most fights are about control to one degree or another. Labeling this a "control issue" really cheapens the true nature of the dispute. The woman is anti. He was not a shooter when they met but he is now. I believe he said he saw a future with her (unless I missed something in the few days I did not see the thread) so I still say it is worth trying to come to a compromise. She might even change her opinion completely over time or he might even change his. You never know. They may have children and he might decide he does not want guns in the house either. I have seen it happen.

If someone really has such serious issues with "control" that they feel someone having a difference of opinion is all about controlling them then I would suggest then might want to ask themselves why they feel this way. A big thing to remember is it is okay to have differences of opinions that never are completely worked out. Most successful relationships do. The trick is knowing which ones are worth risking dying old, alone, and childless over and which ones are just good for an occassional fight.
 
Wow... What a thread!

I guess it takes the lonely hearts types to even read the thing let alone post it it!

Well, Here's my .02 worth.

I feel you have created a situation that has self defeating results to any outcome. I think your a masochist - a pain freak, you sure like to do harm to your self.

What prompted you to hook up with this woman in the first place? Her movie star beauty? Her wealth and fame? Didn't anyone ever tell you that there are no free lunches in this country? You should have known that you were going to need to give up something pretty important to have this glorious woman on your arm.

Then you compound the debt. You move in with her family of all things! Are they taking you to raise? Can you do nothing for yourself? It sounds like you have completely emascalated yourself to be with this siren.

If that's the case, there's no turning back. You're going to be her lap dog, her toy, her "Billy" or what ever your name is, until the day she dies. Then you will be disowned, dis-inherited, and dishonored by her family as a spineless leech that has sucked the family dry. After the funeral, they'll all say in unison, "Throw him out!"

I'm not sure I would have chosen such a life for myself even if my wife were such a beauty queen. I certainly don't think choosing that kind of life would be a manly endeavor. But many people do very strange things for "love".

I guess my concern is that you posted your emasculation here on a gun forum. It was an obvious choice. Most of us are 'Manly" sort of men. We think of ourselves as "would be heros" and "protectors" of our familys welfare. Yes, you came to the right place to get just what you wanted - advice from real men! It sounds like the only people you talk to are women!
And, most of us are concerned about you as, we are about most poor souls, but you really are wasting our time here. :barf:

You already know what you have to do. There are only two choices - stand up a be a man, or continue to drivel on your lapel and have the butler wipe it off. Either way, few of us really care what you do. If you continue to be a lap dog we don't want to hear from you any more. Go away! If you choose to standup for yourself, you will most likely move on from this place and begin a brand new life - who knows, you may even make something of your self!

I hope the administrators close this thread.
 
By no bullets in the house I meant no boxes of handgun bullets in the house. My carry pieces will be loaded and there will be shells in the HD gun but other than that, yeah, no bullets. When I go to the range I just buy bullets on my way. No more bulk online buys or anything like that. Basically if there is a fire and there are bullets in the house the firefighters may not go in. The rule is No ammo in the house but the way we both speak about it and understand it, is Minimal ammo in the house. Actually this was my idea. It has really made her feel better about the whole thing and eventually led to her going to the range. Lets see how she feels in a year or so of shooting with me at the range.

So I suggest that a good comprimise for our OP would be Guns yes, Ammo no. If she cant agree to that, then she is being stubborn and irrational. Find out what the problem is. If its just a phobia, then you should cut her some slack and work with her,Some people have an irrational fear of snakes and if my fiance' had such a fear I would not bring home a pet snake. If it is any thing other than an outright phobia then she needs to cut you some slack and work with you. Its your right as an amercian, pursue it.
 
By way of clarification, I think that some of us have misconstrued the living situation. More than one response has been based on the supposition that Ruger451 is living with his significant other's parents.

That isn't the way I interpreted his post describing the living situation. I believe the house belonged to her late grandmother, and he now lives there along with his GF and her sister. Ruger, please correct me if I'm the one who has this wrong, but I do not believe he is living under the same roof with her parents.

This does not, however, in any way alter my opinion that there is no future (other than one involving pain, hurt, sorrow and regret) to this relationship.
 
Oldshooter - I hope the mods do something about your post. You offer no real advice and just ramble on projecting your emasculation complex on the orginal poster. He was been in a reationship with the woman for years before he discovered his interest in flexing his second admendment mussle.

"You move in with her family of all things!"
When two people marry his family becomes her family and her family his. If they are planning to marry what is the problem with their familys helping them out? Also its not like her parents live in the house with them, its just extra property they own.

"It sounds like the only people you talk to are women!"
There is nothing wrong with talking to women, you should try it.

"who knows, you may even make something of your self!"
You have no reason to insult the OP in this manner, you have no idea what he is doing with himself. Your baseless insult just further discredit you.

"We think of ourselves as "would be heros" and "protectors" of our familys welfare."
You may see yourself as a "would be hero" but I think many of the LEOs, military men and women and those who support their second admendment right on this board as actual heros and myself as a protector of my family and not a "protector(s)".:p



Just because they are having a problem over gun ownership dose not make her a bad person or him any less of a man. Many fine upstanding good natured people have a very wrong, in my opinion, view of gun ownership that is very deeply engrained in their minds. This dosent make them bad people, just misinformed. This also dosnt mean that their relationship is doomed to pain and suffering. Maybe it is gonna take some time, maybe you dont have to go out and buy a gun tomorrow. If its worth saving then its worth taking the time to save. My advice is to keep talking a little bit longer, but always under the assumption that you will buy a firearm in the end.
 
Just because they are having a problem over gun ownership dose not make her a bad person or him any less of a man.
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I disagree. The Second Ammendment is a liberty that has rarely been expierenced to the degree that it has been in the USA for the past 230 years.
I treasure that right deeply, and anyone who believes in taking that right away, regardless of their ability to take it away, is my ENEMY.:fire: Plain and simple. Anti-gunners are bad people, and Ruger451's girlfriend is one of them. By not respecting our sacred freedoms, she should be deported to live in Somolia or an Islamic Fundamentalist country. I wouldn't urinate on her is she was on fire.

I predict that Ruger451 will marry his girlfriend, that she will continue to mold and emasculate him as she is doing now, reducing him to a shell of the person that he once was. Later she will leave him, and take 70% of his assets. (gotta love CA divorce laws)

Lotsa luck to ya Ruger451 :neener:

Helpful information below is for any other men reading this thread who are having a similar situation with their female.

"A man once asked a women to marry him. The woman said NO.
And the man lived happily ever after hunting, fishing, playing golf and drinking beer whenever he wanted."

www.dontmarry.com

www.nomarriage.com
 
Dump the b!tc#. I like guns FAR more then I would like any woman who is against them. If she wants to get all emotional about a mere object, I'de just tell her flat out, "Sorry, I love guns more then I love you." That should set it straight. Just mean it if you say it. If anyone tries to restrict my constitutional rights, they are the enemy. I will not co-habitate with an enemy. They would be on notice as such status.
 
First of all, Hawkmoon is right that I live in a house which is owned by her parents, I do not live with them. But he is wrong that I will live a miserable life "pain, hurt, sorrow, and regret". This will either work or it won't, but right now I am trying to make it work and that's a difficult process.
And Oldshooter, I could care less about your opinion. If you hate this thread, don't bother posting in it. However...

"Then you compound the debt. You move in with her family of all things! Are they taking you to raise? Can you do nothing for yourself? It sounds like you have completely emascalated yourself to be with this siren.
If that's the case, there's no turning back. You're going to be her lap dog, her toy, her "Billy" or what ever your name is, until the day she dies. Then you will be disowned, dis-inherited, and dishonored by her family as a spineless leech that has sucked the family dry. After the funeral, they'll all say in unison, "Throw him out!"

... I must say that this gave me quite a laugh, so thank you. I think that Monkeybear has got you pegged.

Lastly, to BullfrogKen, I didn't mean that you had said anything about the "immorality" of my living situation, it was only a general statement. I also think that you make a good point that maybe I hadn't thought of before...

"Buddy, you have decided you can't walk out of this relationship. You've committed yourself to it, and she knows it."

I can see you're point here. This really does hand her the reins of our relationship. Honestly, I don't want to walk out, but why would I? I've had six+ years of good relationship with this girl, and that is a lot to leave over an issue that I am hoping to change her mind about. I think it will take something as severe as just buying the gun and saying "deal with it or don't" to break this routine. And I don't think (Hawkmoon) that what I am doing here is the same as what she is doing. I am trying to compromise, where as she is being uncooperative. Not only that, but I am trying to enjoy a hobby that is my legal right. She is irrationally opposed to something that I have every right to.
 
My advice is run! Run, like the Hordes of Hell are after you! For all the reasons already offered - don't obsess over the 6+ years invested, it's a bad investment if it leads to a miserable life. If you been with this 'girl 'for 6+ years (since you're only 23), I suspect you don't really know a whole lot about women and relationships and if you stick with her, you will learn some very expensive lessons the hard way -

Three points I'd add:
1. Best advice I ever got about dating was to watch how the object of your affection treats the wait staff at a nice restraunt, because that's how they'll be treating you in a couple of months. This is best done early in the realationship, and it kept me from making a couple of big mistakes.

2. You can't "educate" someone, you can only provide the opportunity to learn. If they aren't willing to examine the facts and think it through for themselves, they aren't going to achieve a sustainable position. Ignorance can be cured, but you can't fix 'stupid'.

3. Men marry women thinking that they'll never change; women marry men thinking that they can change them. Both are worng.
 
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All my posts on this thread were removed! Was it because I said Playboy Penguin is gay? I certainly didn't mean that as an insult, since he is openly gay. To deny that would be the insult. I also didn't portray that in a negative light--I just mentioned it as a fact. My point was that spending 18 years with a woman has given me insights on the differences between men and women that would have been impossible without that experience.

PP, I sincerely hope you didn't think my comments were meant to be insulting. If so, I apologize. I do think that your orientation may be a hindrance when it comes to relationship counseling between heterosexual couples, but that is just one small part of counseling. As you well know, if someone is a terrific chemical dependancy counselor, that doesn't automatically qualify him or her as an excellent marriage counselor.

If these posts were deleted because I suggested that men and women think differently, well then I am guilty. As are any credible researchers who have studied the subject.
 
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