Wife/Girlfriend is ANTI! What to do??

[Ruger451]

How many out there have come across this problematic situation? My current girlfriend and potential wife is super anti-firearm. I only recently have gotten into the hobby, but she opposes me at every turn. I go to the range every week (no problem), but I was sick of renting and now I'm in the process of buying, and she is livid.

Has anyone ever converted their significant other? I'm trying my damnedest, but she is one tough cookie to crack. Part of the problem is that she has her family backing her up on the subject, and while my own family is in my corner, I really would like her to understand and respect my choice on her own...

Any advice? Any inspiring stories of revelation and epiphany? It would do my weary spirit some good to hear.

Thanks, Chris

 

[foghornl]

"RUN AWAY, FORREST."

Seriously, unless you get her converted from the "Dark Side" BEFORE marriage, you are doomed to be one miserably unhappy dude. Search the forums here on The High Road for multiple threads on this very topic.

See if you can get her to go to the range with you. Rent or borrow/buy a good quality .22LR.

If she won't go with you and at least try to learn your side, then see paragraph one again.

 

[Jamie C.]

Any advice?

Yep, but probably not what you wanna hear...

Find a new girlfriend/potential wife.
Seriously, this'll probably be a point of contention between the two of you for the whole time you're together. And that's even if one or the other of you "give in".

J.C.

 

[Declaration Day]

Run, and don't look back.

I've had anti girlfriends, but never for very long. We didn't necessarily break up over the gun issue. The anti-gun attitude was usually part of a whole personality that didn't mesh with mine.

I don't miss any of them.

 

[warriorsociologist]

Agreed with the above. If it is important to you (as it should be), and you differ this much from her, then it will create problems. I'd try to work on whatever irrationalities she hold about it first, you may change her mind...but don't waste too much time.

 

[jdkelly]

I should the last person to take relationship advice from...

I should the last person to take relationship advice from but, from what I’ve seen in life, you are in that stage of a relationship where you girl friend is in her MOST reasonable (read: has the least amount or leverage) mode, it only gets worse.

I’d guess that your two options are “Run Forest Run” or to get her mugged.


Respectfully,

jdkelly

 

[Lobotomy Boy]

My wife was of the wishy-washy "sporting-purposes" mindset. She is also a dogmatic Democrat. We were young and apolitical when we got married (this was back when Ronald Reagan was president), and our politics developed over the years. I wouldn't trade my life with her for anything, but if we were to meet now, we might not hook up because of different political beliefs (though I might make an effort to behave for her because she is still drop-dead gorgeous).

As it is, she knows better than to try to change me. She quit beating her head against that particular wall early in Bush the Elder's administration. And she's been borderline supportive of my carrying a handgun. Sometimes when she hugs me and feels my gun she cringes, but at the same time she's pretty damned glad I have it on me when we go into the city to see a movie or a show. With the recent rise in muggings in Uptown, she's decided to take a course and get her own carry permit. You could say she's coming around.

Your results may vary.

 

[lastofthebreed]

Advice?

For what it's worth, I echo the thoughts of many on this forum. I may have a few years of experience on some of them so here goes: Run, run, run, don't walk away from this woman. Any body who is rabidly anti gun is running on emotion and can never be reasoned with, don't try, you'll just doom yourself to a life of frustration.

 

[Lobotomy Boy]

Any body who is rabidly anti gun is running on emotion and can never be reasoned with, don't try, you'll just doom yourself to a life of frustration.

Okay, I know I'm treading on dangerous ground here, but have you ever been involved with a woman who is not "running on emotion?" I know that is a sexist statement, but like you I have been around the block a few times, and that includes nearly 20 years of marriage, which is no small feat, and sexist or not, that has been my nearly universal observation. If a man doesn't want a partner who is "running on emotion," he'd better become comfortable performing unnatural acts with members of his own sex.

 

[MikeJ]

My wife doesn't like guns and in fact stated that if she had known how many guns I owned and how much I was in to it when we met she would have not gotten involved with me. As it turned out she did get to know me and found out that I wasn't insane and has since been very tolerant and has even prompted me to purchase some guns.

What I am getting at is if your possible future wife is so against guns that she can't respect your interest in them and at least allow you the freedom to choose your own hobby I really think you need to reconsider if this woman is right for you. I am wondering what else she will put her foot down on?

 

[Jamie C.]

I may have a few years of experience on some of them...

Could be...

Me, I've been married most of my adult life, with a couple of short periods of "Time off for good behavior"....

Oh, and I'm 43. And been married 3 times.... 17 years with the first one.


J.C.

 

[Herself]

Unless you can take her shooting (try appealing to her open-mindedness, especially if she hasn't any), you're not going to get anywhere trying to change her feelings about firearms. It's not usually a matter of logic, so reason won't do; and playing the "If you really love me, you will..." card is never a good approach.

Look, if it was motorcycles, flying, involvement with your ethnic heritage, etc., she'd at least want to go check it out, since it's a part of who you are. Shooting is no different.

But if she hates it even after shooting something beginner-friendly (a nice .22 pistol is a good choice), my advice is the same as the boys: run!

Relationships have stress enough without bringing The Gun Debate along as well.

And -- take it from me, I have been there, done that, and bought him the T-shirt, which he took when he left -- getting into a relationship hoping to change the other person is a bet with poor odds. Sure, try it; but be willing to cut your losses if it doesn't work out.

--Herself

 

[stevelyn]

........now I'm in the process of buying, and she is livid.

Get out now. This isn't a gun issue. It's control issue. As long as you were renting she figured she could mold you into her image when you got married. Now that you have decided to buy your own she's figured there's no chance in changing you. That's why she's livid.

For a relationship to work, the people involved have to have similar core values. From the looks of things you two don't, plus there is the control issue. Do yourself a favor and bail out now. It'll be cheaper in long run and you get to keep your sanity and own all your own stuff.

 

[Baba Louie]

Discussion time with GF.
Control issue at play.
Emotional vs logical.
Find out what and why her fear (if it is fear) is controlling her and thus you.
Do not, I repeat, do not stand for it without some attempt at understanding it and education into your newly found gun culture desire.

Listen to her words. Be Calm, cool & collected with emotional detachment while she speaks, really hearing her (and those things left unsaid), but not trying to "Fix" things.

A .22 lr pistol for "target" shooting as suggested above is an excellant guage and tool for training, moving up in power (with her) as you go.

The NRA classes for women are also excellant.

Proper Indoctrination into the gun culture is essential for all.

Failing that, either get used to her trying to control you and the relationship, get used to a life of despair (at times) or... (far be it from me to suggest waiting for the next bus that comes along) continue her (and your) training into the wonderful world of male/female relationships and the gun culture.

Personally, all of the women I've encountered as an adult, have enjoyed shooting sports. (Well, except my older sister who works for the Fed Gov't and KNOWS that only the Govt and Police should have guns... )

 

[Abby]

Dude-

If she can't even tolerate your guns as YOUR hobby, this may not be a match made in heaven. If she could get to the point of "putting up with it" (you know, you buy a new gun, she rolls her eyes and sighs, she doesn't understand why you spend Saturday squirrel hunting instead of mowing the yard, etc), you could probably handle it.

If your potential mate is ACTIVELY HOSTILE to something that's important to you...that ain't a good sign.

I don't believe every mate needs to be "converted" to being an avid firearms fan. I'd be annoyed if my husband spent a ton of time trying to convert me to being a motorcycle fan. But it's his hobby, and it makes him happy, so that's cool.

Remember, it is very very rare you will change someone if you marry them.

Good luck!

 

[1911Tuner]

Anti Heart Throb

My habit...whenever I met a potential heartbreak...was to get it out of the way up-front with this flat statement:

"I'm a gun owner. I shoot guns and I carry guns. I buy, sell, and trade guns. If that's a problem, put it on the table now, because it's NOT negotiable."

 

[Jamie C.]

I figured she's livid because he didn't ask her permission, and didn't require her "blessing" to do it.

But you're right, Stevelyn, it's certainly a control issue.

Oh, and before Ruger451 starts in with how "perfect" this girl is except for her hatred of firearms, I need to point out something... There's more than 6 BILLION people on this planet... half or better are female.
Even if 90% of those are ineligible because of age, marital status, or whatever.... that still leaves an awful large number ( 300 million? ) of women to look through to find "Ms. Right".

So don't settle for a "defective" one. Keep lookin'.


J.C.

 

[Declaration Day]

My habit...whenever I met a potential heartbreak...was to get it out of the way up-front with this flat statement:

"I'm a gun owner. I shoot guns and I carry guns. I buy, sell, and trade guns. If that's a problem, put it on the table now, because it's NOT negotiable."

I love that approach.

I had a girlfriend (actually just more of a fling) who came over to my apartment for the second or third time, and saw an NRA magazine on the table. She freaked out! She said that one of her friends committed suicide with a gun, and that she couldn't believe I owned one!

She was COMPLETELY wrong. I owned 8.

She was then invited to leave and never come back.

 

[scooterthegreat]

Almost kinda funny (strange - not ha ha) that this topic should be here this morning.

I am going to go and pick up my new handgun this afternoon. When I was buying it on Wednesday, I was thinking about all the things I have been doing that make me happy that I wouldn't be doing if I were still married. He wasn't anti gun or anti hunting, but he certainly was anti girls with guns and anti girls for hunting. But I hunt, fish, shoot for fun, help at the range, and teach firearms and bow safety. Heck - he wouldn't even let me watch hockey - Now I have season tickets to the Wild...

I have been living with a guy for over 7 years now. There are some things I do that he doesn't care for and some things he does that I don't care for, but they aren't illegal, we aren't hurting anyone, and they make us happy, very happy. There have been things that have changed over the years as well. We deal with it and move on.

I'm not going to tell you what to do. But what I learned from my marriage, is that a relationship is a pagackage deal. And if you have to change in ways that leave you in a place where you are not happy with yourself, you certainly aren't going to be happy in the relationship.

 

[High Planes Drifter]

IT MAY NOT JUST BE FIREARMS

As someone stated above, the anti gun stance of her entire family usually indicates political stances on other issues. I most certainly suggest that you find out her position on other subjects + values.

In other words; if it were just the gun issue, you may have a good shot at converting her or at least coming to a happy understanding, where you would be able to live a happy life with this woman. Case in point: My wife wont touch a gun. She has to get me to move them so she can clean and dust. She isnt a leftist or anti(shes extremely conservative), she just doesnt touch my guns; no problems there. Back to your girlfriend: if she is a hardcore leftist on all political issues, and you're not, you havent much of a shot at converting her. You will also constantly run into brick wall after brick wall on other things like how you will raise your future child. You will find yourselves in constant friction; no way to live.

 

[Zero_DgZ]

1911Tuner's strategy is similar to mine.

I'll be the first to warn you that I am who I am. I shoot guns, I play airsoft, I play video games and program computers and listen to my Devil Music really loud when I'm in the car. All of these things tend to annoy women for some reason, but there they are. I am who I am, and I accept other people for who they are. And if you can't accept me for who I am, well... I don't think you should risk the heartbreak.

 

[280PLUS]

I wish this was a poll...

If'n I was single these days I'd USE guns to pick up girls. I'd mention something about going to the range during conversation or whatever and sometimes you'll get "Eww, I hate guns!" but OTHER TIMES you'll get, "Guns? Cool! My dad, uncle, brother etc used to shoot." Which should be immediately followed by, "Well then, I'd be happy to take you to the range with me and let you try a few shots." Get the pitcher?

In other words, dump her and find one that WILL go shooting with you.

 

[Lupinus]

don't run like snakes just replaced her hair. But work on her, put your foot down, be willing to spend a night or two on the couch till she comes to her senses, and tell her you are getting a gun, explain to her exactly why you are going to get said gun, and that your exorcising of your rights is not compromisable. She doesn't have to like it but she needs to get used to it.

All else fails get rid of her guns are a big issue and it will come back to huant you. Trust me, she will love guns a whole lot more in a few years when you are getting divorced and it is time to split up the pie.

 

[Technosavant]

Successful relationships require compatibility on more than one level. Too often, we only look at physical compatibility- the attractiveness issue. Emotional and mental compatibilities are also important, but truly important is compatibility of values. If you two hold different values (quite possible, but not clear), then the relationship won't last. Even if you eventually marry, it WILL end in divorce unless one of you changes your values.

That's before we talk about the control issue. I'm not sure I would recommend marriage to a couple where one of them enjoys a morally acceptable activity (one that is not wrong; guns are not instinctively immoral) and the other has an active hatred of that.

Which would you prefer? The ability to enjoy firearms or the woman? You can find other hobbies or another woman. If you choose the woman, what would you do when she again tries to run you over without respecting your desires? It will happen again, and not with guns.

 

[made2cut]

Your best bet is to get her to the range anyway you can. Bribing her is the first thing that comes to mind. "Honey, if you come to the range with me I'll do the dishes for 2 weeks". I don't know anybody who went shooting that didn't enjoy the experience. Even if she doesn't get hooked she will have a greater appreciation of your interest. Good luck!