All, I have recently met a wonderful woman and things are going amazingly well. There is one issue between us about which I would appreciate some helpful advice and opinions. She is VERY anti-gun.
She also claims to be quite liberal. I do not know quite how deep her feelings on these issues go. I have asked but she is somewhat reticent to explain in detail. The other day I half-jokingly suggested that I thought she would be in favor of making all guns illegal and she did not correct me. However, she has said that she won't ask me to give up my firearms.
She is fairly ignorant about guns, but cringes in fear every time I offer to help educate her about them. I am very gentle with her, and she realizes that I am not at all a violent person. The few times I've been able to get her to read a pro-gun article she has been astonished that the author (Ayoob!) seems well educated and doesn't want to go around shooting everybody at random.
If she is going to be around me on a long term basis, I consider it vital that she should at least know how to handle firearms safely, even if she doesn't like them.
I need advice on how to proceed. This is a very intelligent woman (a Ph.D.!), but she has drunk the media Kool-Aid, and thinks all firearms are evil. Is there any hope in getting her to accepting that people have the right to own firearms, and how do I help bring her around to this view? - ArthurDent
Hello Arthur,
Listen, in the normal course of human behaviors most boy-girl relationships are, ‘wonderful’ when things are just starting out. Unfortunately, there is better than a 60% probability that, over time, things aren’t going to stay that way.
Many years ago, now, my mother gave some good advice to her love-stricken son: In a rare moment of perfect candor, Mom said; ‘Son, lions and rabbits weren’t made to run together.’ Looking back on my life from where I am today, I wish I had listened. If I had, it would have spared me from a disastrous first marriage! That marriage did, however, teach me more than just one valuable lesson.
I’ll share some of those lessons with you here: The woman you are dating today, and the woman you are going to be living with 3-5 years from now are NOT the same person. I will, also, guarantee that if you strongly differ on one point now then, later on, there ARE going to be other areas of disagreement between the two of you. In fact, if your situation is typical, the more time that passes the less agreeable these differences are going to become. (It’s just human nature!)
After my first marriage broke up I lived on my own for several years. Typical bachelor that I was, it would have been impossible for one of my dates to either miss or object to the several (empty) guns I kept around the house.
In fact, there was a method to my apparent madness! This was one of the, ‘tests’ every woman had to pass before being allowed to advance to (Ready?) the next relationship level.
Know what? Those dates who saw any number of my guns and (cleverly) said nothing never got past, ‘level one’. (And I didn't have to say a word!)
I suppose this is one of the principal reasons, ‘Why’ I didn’t rush into a second marriage and finally ended up with a woman who is, both, extremely beautiful in body and soul, trained in marksmanship by a former Finnish sniper, (Don’t laugh, back in the late 1930’s, the Finns frequently ambushed and, ‘shot the crap’ out of the invading Russian Army.) and was, at least initially, marginally better with a pistol than I was. (Very humiliating! Took me years to finally get over.)
Sure, it’s important for a woman to be good looking. It’s important for her to be smart too; but, most important of all, if the relationship is going to last then you’ve got to be, ‘kindred spirits’. (Don’t ask! I’ve already told you how I know.) In a way I suppose I’ve been really lucky – really lucky! My wife never once discouraged me from buying all sorts of guns and gun-related stuff; as long as the bills were paid I could do whatever I wanted with my, ‘reloading room’.
The only area of disagreement between us was her adamant refusal to EDC a self-defense pistol. Her favorite quip was; ‘What do I need to lug one of those things around for?’ ‘I’ve got you!’ (Very cute) Then one morning the gun shop next door to her office got robbed. It was bloody! My wife and a retired NYC Police forensic scientist were the first on the scene; and, at the end of the day, I could already see the changes that had occurred inside her mind. (She told me the place looked like a butcher shop; there was even blood on the ceiling!)
Then, about a year later, one night my wife stopped at the post office on her way home from work. Well, wouldn’t you know! Two young gangbangers tried to jack her brand new car. Of course she made every mistake in the book, did everything completely wrong, and still managed to run over one guy’s foot and make, something of, a miraculous getaway. When she got home she demanded that I give her a gun to go along with her unused 10 year old carry permit.
I not only gave her a gun I, also, ran her through her own NRA Firearms Safety and pistol marksmanship course. To my undying amazement I was astonished at the level of attention and cooperation she demonstrated. (I got to be, ‘the man’ again. Every well-aged husband like myself should have it so good!)
Unlike some who’ve replied to this thread I do NOT believe that people with diametrically opposed viewpoints tend to get along well together. In my own experience time will often work to solidify the difference(s) and ultimately drives people apart. (But, hey, this has just been my own experience; yours might be different.)