Wife/Girlfriend is ANTI! What to do??

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The only thing I can really tell you is to be patient. Take your time, she'll come around.
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That's the same thing her friends are telling her about him.

She's a girlfriend, not a wife. The purpose of dating is to find someone who is already your ideal -- not to find someone you can force into acting like your ideal.

If she's trying to do that to him, or he's hoping to do that to her, the relationship is doomed to painful failure sooner or later. (And sooner is less painful than later ...)

pax
 
So am I to understand that if you agree on everything except guns then it is a bad match?
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I think it depends on how important guns and RKBA are to you and how strongly anti the other person is.

I imagine that if on some other board a guy posted "my wife hates football so much she says its either her or the superbowl" that a lot of people would advise him to run. Again, its not about guns or football, its about being with someone who has such little respect for you that they will foist ultimatiums on you (of course one must recognize that forcing an anti to live in a house with guns is just as much an ultimatum as forcing a gun nut to live in a house without them).

The original poster appears to me to have had the woman longer than the interest in guns, so that is a little different than someone who's been active in shooting for a long time before the relationship being told to give up the guns or the woman.


Also, many antis begin their trek to "former anti" status by "allowing" their SO to keep guns in the house ... so unless this woman is a member of the VPC or Sarah Brady's niece or something I seriously doubt that she's so staunch in her position that she'll give up on the relationship just because of the gun issue (and if she does, well then you where probably better off anyway).


I don't think that anyone in a healthy relationship should be laying down ultimatums (with the possible exception of "you sleep with someone else and we're through") This goes for both sides.



If she is indeed a hard core anti then you have a tough decision to make ... I would figure that if my wife gave me any ultimatum before we were married (back when we were being "polite") I would assume that means that if I backed down that she would expect to ALWAYS get her way ... and "...till death us do part" is a long freaking time to never get your way.

I would sit her down and talk to her about this. I would ask her if she thinks this is an issue worth ending things over. You might be surprised, she might have a knee jerk reaction and upon further reflection decide that its not that bad afterall.


Here's some places you can get information about women and guns.
http://www.womenandguns.com/
http://www.2asisters.org/
http://www.paxtonquigley.com/

And if she's afraid your interest in firearms is going to turn you into a hard core right winger or something, send her here
http://www.pinkpistols.org/
http://www.liberalswithguns.com/

and of course http://www.a-human-right.com/
 
Most women (and men, for that matter) don't have any direct experience with guns. All they know is what they see in the movies: guns kill people. If your girl is one of these types, then perfectly sensible for her to object to your new gun. She's basing her actions on on false infomration. Sort of a "garbage in, garbage out" situation.

There's no need to dump her over this (well, not just yet).

Make it clear that you value her opinions, but you will NOT be ruled by them. Buy your gun. Offer to explain how firearms work, what they do, what they don't do, and how to safely handle them. Offer to take her to the range to see it for herself. Assure her that it is safe. Ignore (for now) any irrational objections or judgements she may make - she's not being mean, she just doesn't know any better.

Then wait a while. A few months after you've acquired your gun, point out how it hasn't changed your household or your lives one bit. Show her that having a gun in the back of the closet hasn't proven to be any more dangerous than having, say, an old suitcase in the back of the closet. Remind her that you're the same person you always were, you haven't become a violent madman or a murderer since purchasing your gun. Point out that the gun has never loaded itself, never aimed itself, and never fired itself without your intervention. Again, offer to take her to the range, and to answer any questions she may have about firearms.

If she's even a little rational, she'll admit (perhaps grudgingly) that owning a gun hasn't been such a bad thing afterall. Most women I've known eventually become accepting of the firearms hobby, once they see for themselves that it really isn't a threat to anyone. They may never become gun nuts themselves, but they all stop interfering with my enjoyment of the sport.

Only after this process should you consider dumping her. If she's seen the truth firsthand, and still denies it, then you need to find someone else.

Bottom line: Don't assume that she's crazy right from the start - she probably isn't. Give her a chance.
 
Want some clues? Look at her family. Is her dad P whipped? What exactly is that relationship like? Odds are, she has learned how to act from them.

Men are largely ruled by sex. It clouds our judgement to an unbelievable degree. Of course, young men are most at risk here. Step back and date some other ladies and get some pespective. I would be willing to bet this is not the only time she has been livid about something she doen't like about you.
 
Geez, I would hate to be in a relationship with some of the people on here. If you care more about a gun than you do your spouse then something is wrong.
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PP, this is exactly her position! She cares more about a gun, that is, seeing it gone, than she does about her potential spouse.
 
I'm going to tell you something you're not going to want to hear, but it is the truth. You can't marry someone with the intention of changing them. DO NOT fall into this trap, you will both end up very very unhappy. You *might* get her to change her views, but the odds are very much against it, especially since you say her family is the same way. They for SURE won't change. Do you really want to be a part of that?

And I am here to tell you, she MAY go along with it for a little while, but the second you have kids, she will want the firearms GONE. Kids change everything. "It's for the children" she'll say, and her family will again back her up big time. You'll be made to look like the "gun nut". I have seen it happen.

You have to decide, do you want to give up guns completely, or give her up? To me that's your choices. At least you know this now and not after getting married. I feel for you. Good luck.
 
Stick to your guns. Do what you want to. If there is really love between two people than it will be a mear blip on the screen. At worst it will be an thorn forever or sore spot but not a deal breaker.

My wife doesn't really care for guns. She thinks no one needs them, I disagree. But she accepts me and my hobbies/baggage, whatever. If she didn't, she didn't really love or trust me in the first place.

If what you want to do (outside adultery, abuse or abandoment, of course) in life makes a relationship go sour, what did you really have in the first place?
 
So am I to understand that if you agree on everything except guns then it is a bad match? the only thing this quy stated as being a problem was her dislike of guns. Are there really people on here that allow gun ownership to completely rule their lives to the point of it being THE element of who they are as a person? I am pro-RKBA but it does little to define who I am as a person.
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Turn it around. Why shouldn't SHE change HER life to suit HIM?

If you don't see both concepts as evil, I don't think we have anything to discuss.

I work at home. Right now, my desk has four knives including an antique and two Nazi daggers in for repair, two ARs, a combat 870, a Chilean Mauser, parts, ammo, my carry gun and a five year old.

There are people who could not live with that combination.

I cannot live with that type of person.

Use my example above, Penguin. She's a vegetarian. If you REALLY care about her, you'll NEVER eat meat or wear leather again. Is it worth throwing out a good relationship over a MINOR ISSUE?

Yes. If they won't let the minor issue be minor.
 
As a ex-therapist I find some of the correlations people are forming here quite odd. If she was vegitarian and refused to let meat in the house it might be similar but not if she just refused to eat meat herself. Like I have said it is about compromise and flexibility. One, I doubt this post is legit but assuming it is the only thing he stated is that she does not want guns in the house. He said the fact that he goes shooting is "no problem". His hobby of shooting is "his" hobby but their house is both of "their" concerns and anything effecting it should have to be agreed upon. If she agrees to let him have a gunsafe in the garage where the guns have to stay when not in use I do not see a problem. Maybe she wants children and does not want guns in the house for this reason. he also stated he just started shooting recently so I assume he was not shooting when they got together. Therefore he is the one changing the dynamic of the relationship and should bear the burden of making it work.
 
You want advice from a man who's been there and done that? Bail out, NOW.

I was married for fourteen years to a woman who was anti-gun, and I can tell you firsthand that the cautionary tales you have heard thus far are absolutely true. For instance, after the birth of our daughter my wife wanted the guns gone and threatened divorce when I went to purchase a .38 against her wishes. It caused more problems and spawned more arguments than you can possible imagine, not to mention having someone who supposedly loves and accepts you for who you are trying to dictate your life caused a lot of resentment on both sides - mine for her doing it, and hers for my not yeilding to it.

Then there was the family vacation wherein I'd checked the state laws for Florida and discovered that I could legally carry a loaded handgun in the glove box of my car, despite my not having a permit. Nevermind that I had a printed copy of the law, or that I'd checked with the police ahead of time. None of that mattered to her in the slightest, and the moment she discovered that I'd brought it she began screaming at the tops of her lungs about how I was going to get arrested and that neither she nor our daughter would visit me in prison - bear in mind that this took place in a McDonald's parking lot in the middle of July with the windows down. People as far away as fifty feet were turning around or stopping in mid-stride to stare at me. Believe me, you don't know what the word embarrassment means unless you've been there.

How'd you like your lovely lady to tell you flat out that if they ever ban them she's going to rat you out or turn in your guns? Or threaten to throw them in the trash while you're at work? Or try to use it against you in a divorce because you felt it better to teach your child gun safety than to hide them? Or in the process of a separation tell you that she feels she needs a protective order because even though you've never been violent, the mere fact that you have a gun means you could potentially fly off the handle during an argument and shoot her?

Trust me, my friend - it isn't worth it. I don't care how good looking she is, or what amorous advantages she offers, or even if every other aspect of the relationship is wonderful. If you cannot see eye to eye on this issue you'd best cut your losses and move on before you go where I and others have been. We've walked through the valley, and it isn't a pleasant hike.
 
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Did you have children in the car with that loaded handgun in the glovebox? Also, since you had a child in the house do you feel she was wrong to want to take the precaution of locking the guns away while the child was young? Why did you feel the need to go buy an additional weapon when the ones you had were already a point of debate? Did you feel like you had to do this to prove something to yourself or to her?
 
Just a duplicate of others:

1. Ask her to be rational.
2. Have her read some books like Women and Guns, Gila-Hayes' book, etc.
3. Go to range with you.

If she refuses or after these, still is livid - adios.

Being livid is a control technique.
 
I live with my girlfriend and her younger sister in a house owned by their parents, all of whom are super-anti.
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You mentioned that in a previous thread. Makes it a bit more complicated. Sounds like you have a tough situation. If they're as anti as it appears, you might do well to try to instigate some friendly airsoft shooting competitons as a family activity to try to ease them into a more receptive attitude.
 
one45auto, here's my suggestion:
1. Use chloroform on her like Boss Spearmint in "Open Range".
2. You take your wife into a desolate place.
3. Make her exit the car.
4. Tell her that half a mile down the road you'll place a cheap .22 rifle & a box of ammo under a tarp where a fellow driver couldn't see it, but a walker would. She must then survive in the wild for a month. Tell her that she must obtain her own food, shelter & clothing. Tell her that in a month you would have somone drive by on the road & see if the gun was still there. If it wasn't, she couldn't come home & get rid of the guns since if she did, she'd be a hypocrite. If it was still there, she would obviously have have stuck to her principals & be welcome to stay out there in the wild for another month until she changed her mind. :) :)
 
Did you have children in the car with that loaded handgun in the glovebox?
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The gun was never loaded because the argument ensued before I could do so, and quite frankly afterwards I didn't particularly feel inclined to do so on account of her attitude. Thus it remained secured and unloaded during the trip.


Also, since you had a child in the house do you feel she was wrong to want to take the precaution of locking the guns away while the child was young?
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I never had an issue with keeping them secured and did not mean to imply that I had failed to do so, merely that rather than hide the fact that I owned guns from my daughter I chose to be honest and teach her gun safety as well as the Eddie Eagle program. This approach was so successful that once, when my ex picked up a gun that I had been cleaning in order to look at it, our daughter came bolting in from the next room imploring her to put it down - telling her how dangerous it could be and reminding her that only daddy was allowed to handle the firearms. It was one of my proudest moments. :)


Why did you feel the need to go buy an additional weapon when the ones you had were already a point of debate? Did you feel like you had to do this to prove something to yourself or to her?
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I had nothing to prove, either to her or myself. I bought it because I wanted it, pure and simple.
 
Listen to hillbilly!!!! Ask her what other Rights in the Bill of Rights will not apply to you as well. Its about control....cause its not about logic....or love.
 
Gail came by for a one night stand (damgit, it's been fifteen years, when's the @#$^ going to LEAVE:D ). About a week into it, I said, "Well, if you're going to be staying, you need to know how to unload a gun, for safety."

She agreed it made sense as a safety measure. She wasn't keen on shooting, but fine with me having them--it was my place.

Then it was our place, but she was okay with it.

She never liked autos, but did like revolvers and levers which we're still building her collection from.

Then she decided ARs were cool because the recoil wasn't bad.

Then she decided it was fun to shoot now and then.

Then she joined the Army...:evil:

Now she insists on shooting to maintain her proficiency.
 
one45auto, here's my suggestion:
1. Use chloroform on her like Boss Spearmint in "Open Range".
2. You take your wife into a desolate place.
3. Make her exit the car.
4. Tell her that half a mile down the road you'll place a cheap .22 rifle & a box of ammo under a tarp where a fellow driver couldn't see it, but a walker would. She must then survive in the wild for a month. Tell her that she must obtain her own food, shelter & clothing. Tell her that in a month you would have somone drive by on the road & see if the gun was still there. If it wasn't, she couldn't come home & get rid of the guns since if she did, she'd be a hypocrite. If it was still there, she would obviously have have stuck to her principals & be welcome to stay out there in the wild for another month until she changed her mind.
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Nah, I just took the easy way out and divorced her. Now some other guy can deal with the unreasoning prejudices and other assorted issues. :)

By the way V4Vendetta, cool forum name. Great movie! I can't wait to buy it on DVD.
 
"By the way V4Vendetta, cool forum name. Great movie! I can't wait to buy it on DVD."


Abso-freaking-lutley.:D I however chose this name when I read the original graphic novel. The day the DVD will released I'm going to march to Target in full V suit. Maybe others will join me.:D :D :D
 
Abso-freaking-lutley. I however chose this name when I read the original graphic novel. The day the DVD will released I'm going to march to Target in full V suit. Maybe others will join me.
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I saw it last Sunday with a woman I've been dating (and whom I took to the range the following morning, but I already posted that story) and we absolutely loved it. She and I had been eagerly awaiting the release for months.

Funny you should mention that, because she was wondering where they sell masks like that. (LOL)
 
"Funny you should mention that, because she was wondering where they sell masks like that. (LOL)"


Britain & Ebay are the only places I can think of. I don't have one yet but I'm still looking.
 
As a ex-therapist
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Logical fallacy number 1: Appeal to authority.

I doubt this post is legit
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Logical fallacy number 2: Hasty conclusion.

Maybe she wants children and does not want guns in the house for this reason.
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Pure speculation.

Therefore he is the one changing the dynamic of the relationship and should bear the burden of making it work.
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When all else fails, blame the victim.
 
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