Your Funny Gun Quotes

[Zach S]

If I was compensating for anything, I wouldn't carry a gun with a 5" bbl.

 

[22LRFan]

"A bullet sounds the same in every language." -Family Guy

"Got change for a .38?" -Frisky Dingo

 

[tank mechanic]

Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous.

Drebin: It is. That's why I carry a big gun.

Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?

Drebin: I used to have that problem.

Jane: What did you do about it?

Drebin: I just think about baseball.

 

[KarenTOC]

My favorite TV line of all time happens to be gun-related. Peg Bundy to Al, upon returning home from several days away:

Peg: Did you miss me, Al?
Al: With every shot so far....

 

[CoRoMo]

And that there is an argument, in American, from Hillary Clinton, from Barbara boxer, Diane Fienst-, from a whole gaggle of numb-nuts, who would try to tell me, they will dictate where, how and if I can defend myself.​

and...

The entire scene when Homer Simpson buys a handgun.
Replying to the notion of a waiting period...

"...but I'm mad now!"​

 

[snipe300]

Sig line...

 

[FireArmFan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM3j34i81Fk

This is pretty funny

 

[Davionmaximus]

A 9mm can spread to a .45 but a .45 can't shrink to a 9mm...

I know this one is old but I actually had a chance to use it recently. A friend and I were dicussing his new Concealed Weapons Permit when his girlfriend's roommate piped up and asked why we carried pistols everywhere we went. I quickly answered, "Because a cop is too heavy and won't fit in my pocket."

This one slayed me!!

 

[Nugilum]

FireArmFan quoted American Dad before I could.

Excellent quote:
"... Guns defend people against people with smaller guns."

 

[highlander 5]

"if we're gonna dance I'm bringing the band" is what I tell anyone who asks what would happen if I had my house broken into while home.

 

[Quickill]

Homer Simpson: If I didn't have this gun, the King of England could just walk right in here and start pushing you around. You want that?

Ken Titus standing at a mailbox reading his mail. (Gunshot) The mail box falls over. Ken looks off screen.
Ken:You would have hit me if you didn't have that lazy eye! HA HA!

 

[Igloodude]

"I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas."

If he can quote the mall ninja then I can quote the DEA class clown:

"I'm the only one in this room professional enough, that I know of, to carry this weapon."

 

[dersequim]

Not a Quote! But the truth be TOLD!

At my CCW class this guy shows up with an, FBI T-shirt! LOOK OUT

He had to have EVERY Q on TEST Explained

Then when the Instructor did the TWO fingerprint cards Both times
he put up his LEFT hand for the Right:banghead:

HE WASN'T DOING IT TO BE FUNNY

Finally at the range, with his 45, he had to have the range instructions repeated and he still fired TOO MANY times each round

I DO BELIEVE we should have shot the INSTUCTOR When he PASSED HIM

 

[SciFiJim]

Signature line on another forum.

WARNING..ALL load data is safe in MY gun...What is safe in mine might blow up yours, cause the planets to align, opening a portal to the 8th dimension. Dress accordingly.

 

[Cougfan2]

From my favorite movie of all time, Tombstone.

"Why Ed Bailey, are we cross?" Doc Holliday

"Go ahead boy. Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens!" Wyatt Earp

"Why Johnnie Ringo, you look like a shadow just walked across your grave." Doc Holliday

 

[Duke of Doubt]

"Well, God gave fat men guns so we wouldn't have to deal with that s***."

- The Last Dragon

 

[SpecialKalltheway]

From my favorite movie of all time, Tombstone.

"Why Ed Bailey, are we cross?" Doc Holliday

"Go ahead boy. Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens!" Wyatt Earp

"Why Johnnie Ringo, you look like a shadow just walked across your grave." Doc Holliday

also from Tombstone
bad guy says to Doc: "Your so drunk, you're probably seeing double!"
Doc Holiday: "Well I have two guns, one for each of you."

love that movie

 

[USAFNoDAk]

Oh they flew right by me while I wasn't ready,
15 big mallards it made me just sick.
I loaded my gun in a last minute effort,
When I pulled the trigger it only went click.

I bought me a shotgun I bought me some shells,
bought me some waders, went out with the boys.
Snuck up to some ducks, but when we opened fire,
they only sat there 'cause they were decoys.

We found us a pothole, me and 4 others,
shot us some snow's, we got one apiece.
We once were the hunters, but now we're the hunted,
'cause we shot five of the farmers tame geese.

 

[Auburn1992]

I remember one guy said on this site, "Hi point should make a shotgun, then they could complete the ugly-gun trifecta."

Gave me a pretty good laugh.

 

[wagoneer1019]

shouldn't be doing that

my brother in law and his friend where out in the desert shooting and this old desert-rat pulled up on a quad and said "been shootin'?" they said "yeah" the old man said "shouldn't be doin' that" asuming he was some crazy hippie they asked "why?" and the old man said blunty, "need to save thoes"

 

[catspa]

If you're not willing to defend your life while you're still alive, don't come crying on my shoulder when you end up dead.

Parker

 

[ThrottleJockey]

I love this one. One of my all time favorite characters.

When his daughter, Gloria, informed Archie that over 85% of all murders were committed with handguns his response was, "Would you feel better if they were pushed outta windows?"

 

[jbkebert]

Get your damn gun beaters off of my firearms.

 

[Clifford]

After shooting a phone book with a .45 cal swc in a redneck penitration test. My not so gun-informed freind says " if you shoot it with a hollowpoint it would probably go thru two phone books".

 

[SundownRider]

"But what did you feel when you shot that insurgent?" asked the reporter of the Marine Sniper.
"Mostly recoil." replied the Sergeant.