helplessCanadian
Member
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2008
- Messages
- 6
Gee, I don't know where to start. I hail from the land of extreme gun laws. I have no criminal record. All my life I have felt that I would like to own a gun. I have never engaged in a fist fight, EVER. I have never been struck by another individual before in my life. Coming to terms with this unrelenting desire is a difficult one in a land where extreme leftism spills over from the New England states. Thoughts of gun ownership are equated to a mental pathology. Everyone disapproves.
Today, feeling impatient in traffic, I passed a stationary car in what was a turning lane (illegal traffic manouvre) since two drivers were engaging in a conversation at each traffic light and took several seconds to get moving on every green. I did not, glare, yell, honk or even scowl in their direction. The pick-up truck chased me down in a fit of rage -- I was in my Toyota Echo -- and proceeded with what equates to the vehicular equivalent of a slow but powerful swing of a baseball bat. I can dodge it or be hit. Clearly, this is different to me than the dozens of road rage incidents that most drivers experience in a year -- sometimes we are recipients, sometime instigators -- but I am referring to the relative benign variety of honks, high-beams, profanity and tailgating. With the violent reaction to my relatively minor and discreet offense, I did fear for my safety for a few brief moments. This is not a rant about road rage.
Would this situation have turned out differently with a gun -- probably not. I remain physically unharmed. But what I do feel is an overwhelming feeling of vulnerability. I have no real means of defending myself if my actions today prompted an individual to take this a step further.
I am at the point in my life where I am truly happy. Having pursued higher education and worked six long, arduous years as a school teacher, i am now a successful artist with a loving wife who owns her dream business. Obstacles have been overcome and we are young and well-established. We are living our dream.
Today, I felt decidedly unprepared to defend my life. I have no confidence in myself to engage another male in a physical altercation. I also have no desire to find out what it feels like to have another man's fist hit my face. But still, I am tired of feeling so vulnerable. I am not saying that I have walked through life looking over my shoulder, but i am saying that in situations like today's, where a clear determination on irrational retaliation was displayed, I knew that the paralyzing momentary fear that I felt would render me useless to defend any family member that was accompanying me -- this would apply universally and naturally to any situation. The fact that this was a vehicular incident is irrelevant to me.
Inquiring at the local police station what we all learn watching Law and Order became clear: any attempt at legal retaliation is all but useless. As far as I can tell it will do nothing more than dump my name into the hands of my aggressor. The unproven intent to cause harm drops the offense down to a traffic violation and, even then, it comes down to witnesses that I don't have and inevitable judgment that will give the benefit of the doubt to the accused.
Part of me wanted revenge today and it makes me feel like a barbarian. But NOT the kind of revenge that comes from being dissed in traffic, but the kind that comes for having been momentarily caused to fear for my safety. My knowledge of my own personality knows I would not pull out a firearm under those circumstances. But I think knowing that I could save myself from harm by presenting a weapon if that same situation were to escalate would have saved me from the terrible feeling of helplessness that I am now enduring. It is truly nauseating. If I had never felt so helpless I probably would not be typing this and I would not be trying to hide the fact from my wife that I feel the need for revenge -- lawful or otherwise.
Thanks for reading and nay comments or input is appreciated. I will never carry a firearm legally in this country and it makes me a little sad. How many regretful individuals whose lives have been torn apart by violence might still be leading their previous lives if a firearm had ended their situation -- perhaps in a non-violent way.
Thanks
Today, feeling impatient in traffic, I passed a stationary car in what was a turning lane (illegal traffic manouvre) since two drivers were engaging in a conversation at each traffic light and took several seconds to get moving on every green. I did not, glare, yell, honk or even scowl in their direction. The pick-up truck chased me down in a fit of rage -- I was in my Toyota Echo -- and proceeded with what equates to the vehicular equivalent of a slow but powerful swing of a baseball bat. I can dodge it or be hit. Clearly, this is different to me than the dozens of road rage incidents that most drivers experience in a year -- sometimes we are recipients, sometime instigators -- but I am referring to the relative benign variety of honks, high-beams, profanity and tailgating. With the violent reaction to my relatively minor and discreet offense, I did fear for my safety for a few brief moments. This is not a rant about road rage.
Would this situation have turned out differently with a gun -- probably not. I remain physically unharmed. But what I do feel is an overwhelming feeling of vulnerability. I have no real means of defending myself if my actions today prompted an individual to take this a step further.
I am at the point in my life where I am truly happy. Having pursued higher education and worked six long, arduous years as a school teacher, i am now a successful artist with a loving wife who owns her dream business. Obstacles have been overcome and we are young and well-established. We are living our dream.
Today, I felt decidedly unprepared to defend my life. I have no confidence in myself to engage another male in a physical altercation. I also have no desire to find out what it feels like to have another man's fist hit my face. But still, I am tired of feeling so vulnerable. I am not saying that I have walked through life looking over my shoulder, but i am saying that in situations like today's, where a clear determination on irrational retaliation was displayed, I knew that the paralyzing momentary fear that I felt would render me useless to defend any family member that was accompanying me -- this would apply universally and naturally to any situation. The fact that this was a vehicular incident is irrelevant to me.
Inquiring at the local police station what we all learn watching Law and Order became clear: any attempt at legal retaliation is all but useless. As far as I can tell it will do nothing more than dump my name into the hands of my aggressor. The unproven intent to cause harm drops the offense down to a traffic violation and, even then, it comes down to witnesses that I don't have and inevitable judgment that will give the benefit of the doubt to the accused.
Part of me wanted revenge today and it makes me feel like a barbarian. But NOT the kind of revenge that comes from being dissed in traffic, but the kind that comes for having been momentarily caused to fear for my safety. My knowledge of my own personality knows I would not pull out a firearm under those circumstances. But I think knowing that I could save myself from harm by presenting a weapon if that same situation were to escalate would have saved me from the terrible feeling of helplessness that I am now enduring. It is truly nauseating. If I had never felt so helpless I probably would not be typing this and I would not be trying to hide the fact from my wife that I feel the need for revenge -- lawful or otherwise.
Thanks for reading and nay comments or input is appreciated. I will never carry a firearm legally in this country and it makes me a little sad. How many regretful individuals whose lives have been torn apart by violence might still be leading their previous lives if a firearm had ended their situation -- perhaps in a non-violent way.
Thanks
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