I'm so tactical that
-My turds are camoflauged-a new, improved pattern!
-My condoms are made of Kevlar
-I command an elite group of shopping-mall peacekeepers. I even have my own golfcart. It's called the Warthog.
-If I run out of bullets in a tactical standoff in said shopping mall, I can simply yell bang, and the person I am facing dies suddenly.