Online Fiction

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A few things:
I like how the story unfolds slowly at first--it makes you scratch your head and things get a bit worse, and then a bit more, then a bit more. I really like that.
Most cars don't work--only a tiny fraction do. Gas is outta the dead ones.
Spot on with the 100k words (its actually 70k-100k preferred for an unproven author, iirc. Clancy or Stephen King can get away with using more words than needed, I don't think they'd cut David the same slack...unfortunately!)
Get it published--I need a few copies to send to friends.
 
+1
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :)
gen.php
 
:D

Thank you Halffast for all the work you have done so far.

And thanks to Obiwan for posting .pdf files so quickly.
 
oh, Halffast... I bow in awe (spoiler alert)

the ending in this new chapter is gut wrenching.




(I'm sorry for asking for more, it's greedy of me), but can you improve in the next draft the death scenes so that the dead defenders give the readers more kick in the gut? George's death could be retold slower, for example. I don't know how to give Alex's death more depth but you might come up with something to add more tension leading up to the death.

So later on in your next draft you might add different perspectives to relate how the guards were killed in the start of the sneak attack.
 
As much as I've enjoyed reading Lights Out - it really is a great read - more - more:

Mark is a frigging RETARD! His misguided sense of morality would have gotten him killed in real life long about the 2nd sentence of the book (well - that's an exageration of course but y'all get my gist).

AND now he lets the bastards go (and because I don't wanna spoil it for those who haven't read Ch72 yet that is the least of the stupid fecal matter he's guilty of in this chapter). He ain't just messin' with his own life - he's putting the whole community at risk.

Kill off MARK. Please! 72 chapters and his holiness is still walking around? GOD must be taking a personal hand in his survival.
 
I believe that what Halffast may be going for here is that you always give the enemy a way out. If the enemy thinks he's cornered, he'll fight harder because he thinks there's no escape.

If this is the case, it might be a good idea to have Mark either speak or think it within the story, as not everyone is up on their Sun Tzu.
 
one thing i didn't get...

------SPOILER--------------
why the hell did he tape up jon and put him in the shed? i would've shot his balls off, taped him with 2 rolls of tape, and hang him in the shed for later...

or if mark isn't like that, he could have just put a few .45, .38 or .22 caliber holes in him...
-------SPOILER-----------

oh, and who's greg? i forgot who he is...

~TMM
 
He didn't feel he could with his wife/kids present.
Thing is Duct tape is NOT a retention device. ESP if person is not watched. (same for cuffs) If given free rein I can remove cuffs with common items found in most rooms of a house. (esp if not double locked)
 
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