How do I help my wife understand the importance of self protection?

Status
Not open for further replies.
CountGlockula

CountGlockula

Member
Joined
Oct 1, 2006
Messages
3,527
Location
In a Los Angeles coffin.
Basically, it took a great stride for my wife to allow me to purchase a gun in the first place. Now everytime I ask her if she wants to go to the range or anything gun related (like sharing with her a news article of how guns save lives), she replies, "No, it's YOUR thing. Not mine."

But in a home invasion or deadly situation, I pray it would not happen, would I have to handle it alone? I hope I'm not alone out there.

I need some advice on how to approach this situation with her and also confidence of making the right decision of owning a firearm.

I love her too much to make sure nothing happens to her or myself. Thanks.
 
I dont know man; I have this same situation with my wife. She's not anti, she isnt trying to get me to get rid of my guns. She just doesnt want anything to do with them. She wont touch them, she calls me to move them when she's cleaning. I've accepted it and appreciate her position. If your wife isnt trying to change you, you may want to consider doing the same.
 
I'd let it be for now. Perhaps some for your enthusiasm and her interest in wanting to spend more time with you will lead to an interest in guns. Be thankful she is not an anti!
 
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink."
No, I didn't just call your wife a horse, please don't hit me it was just a euphamism! :cool:

Seriously though, she'll have to convince herself. Any convincing you try and do will be "nagging" and thats counterproductive.

I should know, my wife keeps "nagging" me to not leave my clothes on the floor and I still do...
 
I would start by explaining to her that since there is a gun in the house she should at least learn how it works. Tell her she doesn't have to shoot it or touch it. Just learn how it operates since it's in the home. Show her the safety, if it has one. How to tell if it's loaded. All safety things. Build from there. See if she'll hold it. If it goes that far then show her how to unload and load the gun. At that point tell her she might as well shoot it once.

Lol, kinda like being a teenage boy again,,, " just touch it once "
 
I appreciate the advice guys. Yeah, I don't want to force anything to her and maybe my zeal for gun ownership may be annoying :what: but I hope I can get over it. I'll look over the web site and take up your inputs.

Marriage is funny isn't it. Gotta love it!
 
I tired for years with my wife. Nothing doing.

Then we have kids.....and when my daughter was about 4-5 years old the local paper has a big story about a pervert knocking kids off their bikes and dragging them back to his apartment.

"I think I need to learn to protect us."

Now, she's not a shooter or "gun nut" by any stretch. But she'll go out the range with us about once a month. Maybe twice a year she'll shoot some hand trap. (maybe 5-10 shots, not a full round.) But she does like shooting the .22 Marlin Model 60.

So start with her the way you would with anyone else. .22 with ballons, ground mounted clays, other "fun" reactive type targets.

Would I like my wife to shoot more, you betcha. But the fact that she will shoot on occasion and I know that she'll be by my side (or covering my back) should someone break in or otherwise SHTF, is enough.

As she explained to me "I don't expect you to get into scrap-booking, so don't expect me to get into your hobby." Sounded fair to me.

Or as I say she knows when and how to use a fire extingusher, it doesn't mean she wants to be a fireman.
 
I love her too much to make sure nothing happens to her or myself.
Click to expand...

As she is an adult the following applies. Loving someone also means that you respect their decisions even if it means they could potentially get hurt (skiing, parachuting, using a firearm, not using a firearm, etc). Life is full of risks.

What exactly are you expecting from her? Help you clear rooms while holding the ballistic plate? Her biggest help would be to call 911 while you are covering the bedroom door, etc..

You can't force it - it just needs to evolve over time. My wife wasn't interested in firearms before or after we got married. Over time, and after a few plinking trips, she is now fine with them and even encouraged our 5 year to start shooting a .22LR. She used to roll her eyes when I woud carry but now she asks to make sure that I didn't forget. Even so, she isn't interested in concealed (for herself) carry and I respect that decision.

You did say she finally agreed to the purchase of a firearm. That tells me that you didn't have any firearms before you were married (otherwise you would have brought them with you). It also tells me that it was never an issue or a topic of discussion during the courtship. It sounds like you brought something new into the mix. She has already been flexible with agreeing that you can have one. Time for you to do the same.

She loved and respected you enough to agree to the firearm purchase. You should respond in kind and let her figure out what is right for her and at her own pace. If you back off on the self defense and ask her to go shooting for fun (and not because you might have to kill someone someday) she might be more interested and warm up to the whole idea.

The road you are following is either going to end up in divorce or you losing your gun privileges(the 2nd A only protects you from the government:D).



Good luck
 
Contact the local morgue and see if they can supply pictures of murder victims (women) along with relevant statistics like how long she was married, number of children, etc. The next time she asks why you want to get her "into the gun thing", lay the pictures on the table in front of her, slowly and one by one, then point at them and softly say, "That's why."

The there's always the option of having a friend to dress up in black and "kidnap" her some night just to show her how vulnerable she really is. Don't know if I'd recommend this, though, unless you were wanting to get a divorce in the first place...

Brad
 
steelhead has it right. There is no amount of "convincing" you can do to sway her. She'll need to come to that conclusion on her own. Just be safe, honest and responsible with the hobby and she may just come around eventually.
 
Good advice above.
Don't try to scare or nag her (not that you would), and keep the offer open to join you at the range if she eventually wants to.

But in a home invasion or deadly situation, I pray it would not happen, would I have to handle it alone?
Click to expand...

Likely yes. Plan for that anyway. You're apparently the default point man/defender in your situation. It's great to have a partner backing you up, but that may just not be the case for you (for now).

Basically, it took a great stride for my wife to allow me to purchase a gun in the first place.
Click to expand...

Um, I hope you meant "mutually agree"...
 
My wife is not real big into guns but thankfully I was able to pursude her to at least go to the range two time. It help alot if you have mutual friends that go shooting. A group of friends rented a place up in the mountains, and one day we all (husbands and wives) went to a local range shooting. Flip side was all had to go shopping at the outlets the next day:barf:.

Your best bet is to pick out something that it easy to use and does not have a lot of recoil, and make it your wifes gun. Ask her for 5 minutes of her time and show her the gun, explain that if someone breaks in, you want her to know how to use it. Get her to at least hold the gun and explain how everything works. Now ask her that you just want to take her to the range, just once for about 30 minutes, maybe offer to take her out to dinner, or buy her something, whatever it cost its worth it. This is how I got my wife to the range for the first time.

What I learned from the two range visits my wife is OK shooting a 9mm glock. (I dumped the .38 revolver I originally bought her). She don't shoot tight groups, but she can definately hit someone in the torso at 20 ft. That is all you need. If she never goes to the range if she gives you those 5 minutes at least she knows that she has a weapon and know to it works, not the best thing but at real close range, it might save her life.
 
quote:
But in a home invasion or deadly situation, I pray it would not happen, would I have to handle it alone? I hope I'm not alone out there.
----------------------------

I didnt even notice this sentence the first time I read it. Even if you get your girlfriend into shooting, IMO you should leave her in your bedroom if someone breaks in. Call me old fashioned but I would never expect my wife to come with me to investigate a noise. :scrutiny: :neener:
 
My wife is in the same boat. Not an "anti", but not an enthusiast. She used to target shoot a .22 with her Dad when she was a kid, but didn't like it all that much. She doesn't mind my guns, or the gun safe taking up closet space, but she has no interest otherwise. We've been shooting exactly once. Eighteen years ago.

This is one of the reasons that my (our?) bedside gun is a revolver. Easy to explain, easy to demonstrate, no slide releases or safeties. So it is something she could use instinctively if she were alone. That's my theory, anyway. Limited capacity, but then everything in life is a trade-off.

Actually, I'm just trying to justify an S&W 627 :D...
 
It's different for everyone. I got slightly lucky when my wife decided to get her concealed carry permit. Now she has it but getting her to the range to train or carry is a whole other thing. She really isn't that interested. So I'm working on another approach.

Over the past few months I have been working on a booklet customized for her. I read the local news websites and print off stories that relate to her. Such as crime that happens in the town she works in or the mall where she shops, or the attempted sexual assault that happened in the park 4 miles from home, etc. Or bad things, like murders, that happen in rural towns where people say "nothing bad ever happens here".

It's interesting to read back through the printouts because even to me it's obvious how easily we forget about these stories they report on the news. And these are just the crimes that make it to the news stations.

Other sections I'm working on are some simple overviews on situational awareness, or the messages she sends when dressed for work or for a night out with the girls.

Hopefully she'll start to see the big picture and understand it's not just about carrying a gun.

Maybe by writing something personalized for her like this and backed up by relevant facts would work. She'll probably take the time to read it knowing I worked so hard on it.

I'm no expert, just an idea I'm currently working on.
 
You can't. My wife blocks off the reality that she could be a victim. If you don't think you can be a victim, why would you need a gun?

This mentality is especially bad when women are used to being taken care of and/or catered to.
 
Same here, the wife isn't anti, just not into it.

Before I started buying, I asked her to attend a handgun safety course with me. It was several hours, went over the basics of operation, and we got to fire 20 rounds of 9mm and 20 of 38 spcl afterward.

If I remember correctly, I went with the whole "they're going to be in the house and they are weapons, so I'd like it if you knew how they work" thing. Despite all evidence to the contrary, wives are quite reasonable, you just have to ask the right way.

She went to the range once afterward, but hasn't been that interested - but she did say recently that she'd like to take another course because she doesn't remember how they work. So in my case that worked out pretty well.

I would also suggest that you two hash out rules of the house. For instance, I kept mine locked up initially, because we're in a quiet neighborhood and it made her happy. It's been 4 years and I moved to having the case unlocked, and we're taking baby steps to my getting a CCW.

I also agreed that anything that shoots is off limits as soon as I open the first beer. Little things like that will go a long way toward showing her that you're enthusiastic, but also responsible. She's a lot more likely to get into it if you show that you want to respect her wishes.

Oh, and if she ever asks you why you're so into guns, as much as it's true, you should probably not answer "cause they're so COOL!!!"
 
My Wife

My wife is schizo about weapons - some times for, other times against. Has no problem with me carrying or having it on the night stand on my side of the bed, though makes wierd noises about me doing it from time to time. Even though she is Italian, she would not get the manufacturer of my pistole - Beretta - in to her head for years.

Claims she can fire my semi-auto without any familization. Her experience is with a SW revolver.

Go figure.
 
Hmmm, first things first....and this has probably been recommended.
Just get her out to shoot!!!!! This takes the mystery away and adds a level of "fun".
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

N
  • Locked
Wife Needs To Deflect Unwanted Attention
2
Replies
32
Views
3K
Bridger
B
T
  • Locked
Got to brag about my wife ;)
Replies
15
Views
1K
GoBrush
G
R
  • Locked
Wife/Girlfriend is ANTI! What to do??
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Replies
226
Views
10K
rangerruck
R
S
  • Locked
  • Poll
Which HD gun for the wife?
Replies
12
Views
477
BikerRN
B
I
  • Locked
What do you do if your wife or girlfriend simply rolls her eyes at your advice?
2 3 4
Replies
94
Views
4K
Johnny Guest
J
Back
Top