Ragnar Danneskjold
Member
We seemed to have a number of recent threads and stories with a somewhat common theme. Someone gets slighted or bothered in public by another person and they feel the need to do or say something about it. From something overt like cutting in line at a Black Friday sale to just walking behind someone. Even playing music at a gas station. In each instance the person who got bothered or uncomfortable either felt like doing and saying something, or actually went ahead in did it. In one case, telling some kids to turn their music down ended in a shooting.
I think some of us are losing sight of the value of just walking away. There are two aspects to this. The tactical advisability of confrontation, and whether it's "right".
The tactical standpoint should be pretty straightforward. When you confront someone, you are introducing a possible flash point to an already unstable situation. You never know if those kids in the car, that obnoxious guy at the bar, those guys on the trail are violent felons, off duty cops, drug addicts, or just normal people who might act out when scared. Confrontation breeds confrontations. The "alpha male" aspect of someone's mind might act up and that guy you're just telling to back off cause he almost spilled your drink might just feel the need to punch you in the face because he's drunk and needs to feel like he's in charge. In the case of the line cutting last week, the line cutter actually did turn around and punch a guy. And then a weapon was produced and what could have been 2 minutes of a man just feeling pissed off turned into an entire self-defense legal ordeal. Over feeling offended.
The bottom line is, unless someone is directly threatening you, another person, or your property, just swallowing your anger and indignation and walking away is the best option in probably 99%+ cases.
The second aspect is whether or not it's "right". As in, do you actually have the right to ask something, or worse, try to "tell them". In some cases yes, in other cases no. Don't forget, you DO NOT have the right not to be offended. When you leave your property and enter the public, you become equal to every other citizen out there. Your desires, feelings, likes and dislikes, sense of honor, etc all are exactly equal to someone else's. If they make you uncomfortable...so what. They have the right to do so. If some stranger is doing something completely legal, non-threatening, and non-destructive; I'm sorry but you just don't really have the right to approach them and try to push your standard of behavior on them. You feel music should be listened to at one volume, they feel it should be at another. Who's right? In public, you both are. As long as it's legal. If I walk somewhere and you feel I'm "too close" or being behind you makes your comfortable...sorry but I have the right to walk where I want in public. Just like you do.
What can you do when someone does something in public you just don't like? Maybe he's standing too close, or listening to loud music, or he just looks funny. How about go somewhere else? That's usually the best bet. If you can't or don't want to do that, your only other option is to ask. And that means explicitly putting it in the form of a yes/no question. Meaning they do indeed have the right to tell you "no".
"Hey buddy, could you be so kind as to stand a little bit farther away?"
"Sure man" OR "No, I don't feel like it"
He has the the right to do what he wants in public. You may not like it, but he still does. Part of being an adult in public means learning to accept that there are times when other people enjoying their rights might make you feel uncomfortable. Just as your rights might make them uncomfortable. Your standard of behavior, your idea of "this is how people should act" can NOT be enforced on others.
If you try to "tell" them, it can end far far worse.
"Hey buddy, back off. You're standing too close"
"Make me"
Now what? How exactly do you enforce that? Push him? Punch him? Put your hand on your gun and say "you know, doing something like that is a good way to get a gun pulled on you"
Congratulations, you've now just lost all moral high ground and committed a crime. Now in addition to earning some very appropriate legal consequences for assaulting another citizen because "you felt uncomfortable", you now have the very real possibility he might respond to your force with force of his own. Now what?
How about instead of all of that, you pick up your drink, or get in your car, or sling your backpack...and just walk away. Your feelings are not worth getting hurt or hurting someone else over. Ever.
I think some of us are losing sight of the value of just walking away. There are two aspects to this. The tactical advisability of confrontation, and whether it's "right".
The tactical standpoint should be pretty straightforward. When you confront someone, you are introducing a possible flash point to an already unstable situation. You never know if those kids in the car, that obnoxious guy at the bar, those guys on the trail are violent felons, off duty cops, drug addicts, or just normal people who might act out when scared. Confrontation breeds confrontations. The "alpha male" aspect of someone's mind might act up and that guy you're just telling to back off cause he almost spilled your drink might just feel the need to punch you in the face because he's drunk and needs to feel like he's in charge. In the case of the line cutting last week, the line cutter actually did turn around and punch a guy. And then a weapon was produced and what could have been 2 minutes of a man just feeling pissed off turned into an entire self-defense legal ordeal. Over feeling offended.
The bottom line is, unless someone is directly threatening you, another person, or your property, just swallowing your anger and indignation and walking away is the best option in probably 99%+ cases.
The second aspect is whether or not it's "right". As in, do you actually have the right to ask something, or worse, try to "tell them". In some cases yes, in other cases no. Don't forget, you DO NOT have the right not to be offended. When you leave your property and enter the public, you become equal to every other citizen out there. Your desires, feelings, likes and dislikes, sense of honor, etc all are exactly equal to someone else's. If they make you uncomfortable...so what. They have the right to do so. If some stranger is doing something completely legal, non-threatening, and non-destructive; I'm sorry but you just don't really have the right to approach them and try to push your standard of behavior on them. You feel music should be listened to at one volume, they feel it should be at another. Who's right? In public, you both are. As long as it's legal. If I walk somewhere and you feel I'm "too close" or being behind you makes your comfortable...sorry but I have the right to walk where I want in public. Just like you do.
What can you do when someone does something in public you just don't like? Maybe he's standing too close, or listening to loud music, or he just looks funny. How about go somewhere else? That's usually the best bet. If you can't or don't want to do that, your only other option is to ask. And that means explicitly putting it in the form of a yes/no question. Meaning they do indeed have the right to tell you "no".
"Hey buddy, could you be so kind as to stand a little bit farther away?"
"Sure man" OR "No, I don't feel like it"
He has the the right to do what he wants in public. You may not like it, but he still does. Part of being an adult in public means learning to accept that there are times when other people enjoying their rights might make you feel uncomfortable. Just as your rights might make them uncomfortable. Your standard of behavior, your idea of "this is how people should act" can NOT be enforced on others.
If you try to "tell" them, it can end far far worse.
"Hey buddy, back off. You're standing too close"
"Make me"
Now what? How exactly do you enforce that? Push him? Punch him? Put your hand on your gun and say "you know, doing something like that is a good way to get a gun pulled on you"
Congratulations, you've now just lost all moral high ground and committed a crime. Now in addition to earning some very appropriate legal consequences for assaulting another citizen because "you felt uncomfortable", you now have the very real possibility he might respond to your force with force of his own. Now what?
How about instead of all of that, you pick up your drink, or get in your car, or sling your backpack...and just walk away. Your feelings are not worth getting hurt or hurting someone else over. Ever.
Last edited:
