How do you handle people who stare you down?

[daorhgih]

@ Lee; 11,472 :

None of the E's in ADEE stand for "Escalate." :: an escalator does move DOWN, not only UP. DAO

 

[Archaic]

This is why I don't like open carry (besides guaranteeing that you get shot first in a robbery - and that little old ladys will think you're a cop and want to report their smashed mailbox to you). It just leaves too much open for the bottom 1% to grab ahold of.

I work in some pretty rough places sometimes, I have mastered the art of seeing without looking. I want el bandito to know that I see him, but I don't want him to think I am copping attitude. Fly low, stay below the radar - if forced to act, it should come as a surprise to everyone but yourself.

 

[killerfiction]

It's all about perspective, yes? Smart post, brother.

 

[Derry 1946]

Dazen -- good info. Thanks for sharing. Glad you came out all right.

Derry

 

[killerfiction]

So I'm driving into the gas station next to my house, and this skinny out of place dude is standing pumping gas, carrying a gun on his hip, giving me the stink eye! I've never seen him around before, and I could tell that Jesus, the gas station owner, was nervous and didn't know what was up either. Not many people walk around with guns on their hips in our neighborhood. I couldn't tell if he was a cop or what.

I was a little angry because he was right by my home scaring the locals, so I gave him some crap. I figured, he's pumping gas and he's not wearing a mask, so he must not be robbing the place. Must be a cop or some punk trying to intimidate us. I didn't want bullets to start flying with people around, so after some verbal exchanges, I just took off.

It's all about perspective. Smart post, ShaiVong.

 

[Bobson]

So I'm driving into the gas station next to my house, and this skinny out of place dude is standing pumping gas, carrying a gun on his hip, giving me the stink eye! I've never seen him around before, and I could tell that Jesus, the gas station owner, was nervous and didn't know what was up either. Not many people walk around with guns on their hips in our neighborhood. I couldn't tell if he was a cop or what.

I was a little angry because he was right by my home scaring the locals, so I gave him some crap. I figured, he's pumping gas and he's not wearing a mask, so he must not be robbing the place. Must be a cop or some punk trying to intimidate us. I didn't want bullets to start flying with people around, so after some verbal exchanges, I just took off.

Easy to see that this could have been the "Mexican kid" in OP's post. Interesting change of perspective. I missed this the first time around.

 

[FlyinBryan]

I read something a long time ago that I think we can all benefit from. I used to practice it and should do again. It defuses your emotions very well IMO:

When in a situation like this, ask yourself:

1) Am I willing to fight this person? If not disengage, if yes, proceed to #2

2) Am I willing to hurt this person? If not disengage, if yes, proceed to #3

3) Am I willing to risk everything and what am I risking it for? If not disengage.

sorry, but thats too many questions for me to ask myself in a "situation"

i would not be willing to hurt this person, i would either be forced to, or not, and you were not.

the way i would handle being stared down, or given the evil eye, is i would let them do so until my truck was full, i was in it, and i was leaving.

if it escalated to a forward advance i would (have) draw and say "stop!"

ive never had to play the rest of the hand.

EDIT: it should be noted that in my incident i was concealed carrying, not open carrying..... and i do recall my greatest fear was him with my pistol. looking back on it,,,, i now find it terrifying.

 

[cfrench]

buck460XVR...

he admitted he shouldn't have said that.

 

[ATF]

Some times you have to let it roll off and go on..

 

[whalerman]

I can't believe this is even a serious discussion. Thankfully, among the thinkers it is not. You do nothing to escalate any situation ever. I am not at all suggesting you offer up your money or your wife, but you never play into stupidity offered up by a fool. If you feel the need to say something fashionable and humorous to outwit a dummy then you have no business carrying a weapon of any kind. If your manhood depends on outsmarting a fool, then do not carry weapons. You are a menace to yourself and to others if the most important thing to you is your feeling of superiority. Think your way OUT of problems. Don't feel the need to win the superiority game with a dope. Just give him the victory and watch him walk away while you look out for yourself and your loved ones.

 

[Spartan Gladiator]

You shoulda just told him "No hablo English" and left it at that.

No that should be "no hablo ingles"

While that did make me laugh out loud and my smart mouth would have be tempted ( I work hard at keeping it in check), In reality I know that verbally debating with someone who has an inferior mental capacity will get you NO WHERE fast. Next time I would recommend a smile, an increased vigilance and dont even both engaging. This doesn't mean you have to cower and not defend you and yours, it just means be smarter than that.

 

[Bonesinium]

This is a time when having too much pride is a bad thing. If some stranger is staring me down, or talking smack to me, or whatnot, it is usually because they are trying to intimidate me, or to potentially start something.

If it is because they are trying to intimidate you, and you just ignore them, they think they are winning. That is fine with me. I don't know you, I don't care if you go and tell your friends later that you scared this wimpy dude. I don't have enough pride to care if a stranger thinks I'm weak.

If they are trying to start something with you, and you just ignore them, you are avoiding a potential physical confrontation. Not sure about you, but I don't want to get into something.

I don't see any good in playing back at them, or saying anything to them in a confrontational manner, sarcastically, or insultingly. So swallow your pride and either be polite or just ignore them. If you want to get into a bad situation over your pride, well that is up to you.

 

[offonroad]

I don't open carry anymore just for that reason, either somebody is going to be freaked out and not be comfortable or some <deleted> is going to start something. Its just better to be a surprise at the last minute when you need it the most.

 

[MikeNice]

There are plenty of bad dudes near where I live and I for one will make eye contact with them to let them know I am aware of them but I am certainly not going to get into a stare down with them.
Why??
I certainly dont have to prove any thing with them or try to out macho them.
And since I am armed I view that in a similiar vane like the potus with the red button at hand.
In other words you push that red button as the very,very last resort for your very survival.

Same here to Mike's post #32.

+1

I give them enough eye time to show I notice them and I couple it with a respectful nod. Usually it is understood that I see them, I respect them, but I am not scared.

The ones that you usually have to watch out for aren't going to be staring you down. Predators rarely stare down prey. It telegraphs their actions and gives away intent. That means you have time to respond and they lose the advantage. Predators hate to give up the advantage. It makes their job too much like work.

 

[coloradokevin]

Interesting topic. As a police officer I spend much of my life getting mean-mugged by idiots, and it isn't something I get too worked up about. If they're acting stupid and not getting to the point of making me feel like I'm threatened, I usually just pretend they aren't even there, or laugh them off in a way that probably suggests that I think they're pathetic.

But, if the same hood rat pushes the issue more, and overtly challenges my safety, I think I'm more than capable of standing my ground, and I have enough experience and carry myself with enough command presence to make it evident that I'm not going to run from a fight. In nature, just as in the civilized world, predators look for easy prey, and they rarely challenge another predator. Showing them a bit of bored disinterest is fine in my eyes, but I don't ever demonstrate weakness around that type of fool.

Again, avoidance is the best course of action, but I'll always believe that it is better to fight than to be victimized. Staring me down means very little, and generally indicates that person's own insecurities, and their need to feel big and bad. But, if staring me down is a prelude to a physical confrontation, then we're going to have other issues to address in short order.

When I first came on the job as a law enforcement officer I was working in a particularly violent district. At that time I was a bit younger, plenty scrappy, and more than willing to tussle with trouble... But I also weighed in at a mere 155-160 lbs. I found more often than not that I would be the first target of verbal aggression when I was surrounded by cover officers who often tipped the scales at over 200lbs (again, criminals are looking for what they believe is the "easier" mark). But, being in that position taught me how to handle violence more readily, and gave me a case study in the subtle nuances of human stupidity. Since my job is one where avoiding the fight is not always possible or practical, I soon learned that most of these fools would quickly back down when they realized that you were more than willing to engage them in whatever conflict they had envisioned!

These days I'm trained up to 185 lbs, and I get less physical attention from subjects on the street

But, law enforcement work is different than going grocery shopping on my own time. In uniform I stand out, and everyone knows what my job is, and why I'm there. The criminals know who they are, and they don't like the cops. Furthermore, the criminals know that I'm going to pursue them when they screw up, which sometimes makes them a bit edgy with me. Conversely, when I'm shopping at the local grocery store on my time I blend in with the public. Most criminals don't have an agenda with me, and I'm not looking for a reason to pursue them during my down time. As such, I'm less inclined to engage them in a visual urination match in those cases! And, honestly, I don't need to win a stare-down to feel confident in my own abilities.

 

[Mike1234567]

"Strap" might be in reference to straps used to beat slaves into submission...

 

[BBQLS1]

I make eye contact and nod (letting them know I've seen them). I then go about my business and appear to ignore them while watching them out of the corner of my eye.

If you carry, you must do your best to ignore a fight because you might get one, and it's never a good thing. You must swallow a little pride while being diligent.

 

[Mike1234567]

No offense intended but... proving one's manhood isn't just about lack of fear. If a man feels such a strong need to prove himself then there are other issues to address. More often than not it's maturity.

 

[CoRoMo]

Strap

...what does "you got that strap" mean???

Allow me to translate.

This is obviously gangsta-ese, an urban language adopted by many publicly taught youths who didn't actually receive proper English Lit curriculum while in our education system. Gangsta-ese is also proliferated in HipHop/Rap music of course.

So... "you got that strap" can mean only a couple different things and this will depend on whether it was spoken as a question or a statement. As a question, it simply means "Do you have that handgun?". I don't assume that this was the case though; I believe the remark was a statement. The young urbanite was making it known to the OP that he knew a fact.

What his statement almost certainly meant is, "I see that you have that handgun".

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=strap
Finally, the term 'strap' is synonymous with handgun or pistol. Other versions of this term include 'gat', 'Glock', piece, nine, heat, etc.

'Strap' can also be used as a verb which means carry/carrying. 'Strapped' in fact, means "armed".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8yoaPkP7_I

 

[mbt2001]

Let not young souls be smothered out before
They do quaint deeds and fully flaunt their pride.
It is the world's one crime its babes grow dull,
Its poor are ox-like, limp and leaden-eyed.

Not that they starve, but starve so dreamlessly;
Not that they sow, but that they seldom reap;
Not that they serve, but have no gods to serve;
Not that they die, but that they die like sheep.
-- Vachel Lindsay

Kids are kids... Life will get serious and tragic enough no matter who they are or where they come from.

 

[doorman]

My response always centers around de-escalation or non-confrontational. To his "big guy" comment, "No sir not at all." And leave it at that. I will, if necesary, stop pumping gas or whatever, and leave, talk really loud so others become witnesses if things go south.

I carry a handgun to protect my life not my pride.

 

[FIVETWOSEVEN]

I know this sounds crazy, but I ask them for a dollar. The typical responce is 'What". Then I ask if they have any spare change. The most I've ever got out of anyone was a 'what da bleepity, bleep' then they walk away.

This actually sounds like solid advice to someone thats just talking smack, if they say no but stay and continue, persist on getting a dollar from them.

Its either that or just reply "K" to everything they say. Not Okay, but "K". It shows you have no interest in them and they usually give up. I've defused many arguments with people with just replying "K".

 

[Mike1234567]

I know this sounds crazy, but I ask them for a dollar. The typical responce is 'What". Then I ask if they have any spare change. The most I've ever got out of anyone was a 'what da bleepity, bleep' then they walk away.

You're openly carrying and ask someone for money?

 

[Ledgehammer]

When I was a teen I had a stupid friend who liked to fight. He would mean mug as many people as it took until someone would finally take the bait. It was a numbers game to him. It sounds like op almost took the bait. Obviously this guy was looking for a fight if he was staring at you before he saw your gun. That means he decided he wanted to throw down with you and your gun gave him pause enough to make the statement - "you got that strap"

Thinking rationally about this - what difference did it make that this guy is staring at you? Not much but we definitely feel disrespected by that behavior.

What has worked for me for over 20 years now is make eye contact With out looking scared or even too distracted and just nod then move on.

 

[FIVETWOSEVEN]

You're openly carrying and ask someone for money?

What about it?